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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 5:53 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
It just seems there are those here who do hate their
Ws’s. They seem to be the happiest or strongest and are in forward motion.
I have not found this to be the case. In my experience, the happiest and strongest people have reached a state of indifference when it comes to their WS. Feeling hate means you are still attached to your WS. Once you reach indifference, the attachment is gone and then, you can freely move forward with your life.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
Grafter40 ( new member #70183) posted at 7:06 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
I think I feel the same way about my wife. Half of me hates it.
Then there's the other half of me that doesn't mind that she's sleeping with other men, so long as she's coming back to me with no signs of her being unhappy with me or our marriage. Literally she seems so happy with life, everyone loves her you wouldn't think she's the type to be a cheater.
The biggest fear I have is I hope she doesn't bring back an STD.
Emotionally I'm coping. I think knowing that there's no signs of her leaving me sort of puts my mind at ease.
Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 7:12 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
I don't hate WH.
I hate AP with a passion.
I love myself.
THIS. ^^^^^^^^
My H has paid dearly for his A. His AP? I do not know if she has or if she has not. Doesn't matter. I still have seething HATE for her. I hope to feel indifference for her someday, but I do not feel that way now.
BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled
64fleet ( member #18710) posted at 7:56 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
A lifelong friend and I were discussing this a while back. She knows of my spouses As. I told her the opposite of love is not hate but indifference toward that person-hate has too much emotion. She didnt get it, but that is how I feel.
Smallwonders (original poster member #39363) posted at 8:03 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
Such a weird place to be with someone I have loved for so long. Letting go is difficult especially when it is not our choice.
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 8:09 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2019
T/J @Grafter40 can you please maybe start a new thread so that we can talk to you without t/jing others thread? You have a real serious issue that needs to be addressed. end T/J
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
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