SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Don't mix friends with sex or you will have no friend and no sex.

Also STDs the gay male community is prone to them it's not worth your life. Condoms break.

Because it's with a man, I don't think that will affect your wife in the same way that you want it to if it were to be with another woman. That said, you only live once.

You've got three threads going across three forums, OP, so it's kind of hard to get the gist of what's happening here. Your situation seems to be complicated by several different factors.

Problem: Your wife's infidelity. While it's "just found out" for you, it's old news for her. Discovering an affair years later presents it's own set of difficulties because even though the BS is quite raw, the WS has emotionally moved on. We do have a thread in the I Can Relate section which deals with this: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=349697

Problem: A potential RA. It appears you have decided against this, which is wise. Revenge affairs typically just compound the original problem. There's a potential for STDs, the possible hurt feelings of an AP who is being used for spite, giving up the moral high-ground, etc.

Problem: Inefficient sexual relationship within the marriage. You've reported a lack of sex and bisexual curiosity. While there are treatments you and your wife can get involved in, like medical testing, couples therapy, and sex therapy, your wife isn't likely to become a man. Is your wife even aware that this is an issue with you, something you're thinking about seriously enough that you've already got something potentially lined up??? On a side note, I'm curious as to how you met this person? Is it someone you know in real life or is it someone you've met while exploring your sexuality?

Problem: Pornography. Yes, this really is a big problem for many women. I don't tolerate it in my marriage, because like many, porn was the gateway drug which led to my WH's adultery. But even when there's no infidelity present, there are a number of women who are equally intolerant, and agree or disagree, we all have a right to say what we'll allow in our relationship. I know one woman who's fought this fight with her WH for nearly 40 years, and she puts in succinctly... "If some porn star gets it up for him, she can get it down. Not my problem". If porn is a problem in your relationship, that problem is legitimate if you're intention is to reconcile, so it's best to take it seriously.

I am retired military. If this colonel is still in the military and you have unrefuted evidence of this affair with your wife, then you have this colonel in a bind that is a definite career breaker . Talk with an attorney that is familiar with the UCMJ. I wish you well.

My question to you is ... “ it that the person you want to be?” I consider myself to have a higher moral ground that doesn’t allow me to reduce myself to a Waywards Level.

By all means explore your gay side but get Divorced first.

I hold my vows and promise as my standards and moral compass. I had all opportunities after I found out about my fWH affair... I was taking care of myself and men noticed but again that wasn’t the intention and I ignored them because I wasn’t interested and I also knew that I was extremely vulnerable so I literally walked away.