SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Quick background, I caught my husband in a sexting affair back in November. Since then he’s been doing everything he can to make me feel safe in the marriage again.

Well I periodically check OW’s work FB page. I know this is unhealthy and I should be focusing my attention on our marriage and not the OW.

But there was a picture of her posted along side a post about female empowerment. I’m not on FB, but this makes me really want to create an account just so I can post about how, as a fellow female, I felt super empowered when she reached out to my husband and began sexting him.

Yes, I know WH is the problem. He made the promises to me and OW owes me nothing. But I still want to shout her business out to her work colleagues so bad. Somebody talk me down off the ledge.

Nobody sounds powerful when they yell, "Stay away from my husband!" You'll sound crazy because strong women don't fight over men. They walk away.

If you don't want to walk away, I get it. But trying to make her look bad will only make you look bad. I'm sorry. He caused your hurt, not her.

I totally hear you on this one. OW in my situation has a side business making basic WordPress sites. Like using a template and adding some photos. She calls herself a software developer and constantly posts about the challenges faced by women in tech. She’s actually had speaking engagements at women empowerment events. It’s infuriating. She’s a complete fraud and I want everyone to know.

Except what does calling her out that achieve? At the end of the day you’re going to be just as embarrassed as she is. Plus she can’t go through life being a hypocrite without people finding out on their own. She’s going to make too many mistakes and ruin her credibility without your involvement.

Meanwhile focus on being the best version of you. Be better than her.

And yes it’s unhealthy to focus on the OW and your husband is the real problem, but at the same time what type of woman does that? It’s natural for her to take up some headspace.

Lol. I have to say I’m on the other side of this fence. I took immense pleasure from unmasking my husbands whores for what they were. The few who didn’t know he was married, I left alone. The others though...all’s fair in love and war. They helped ruin love for me, so I declared war. Years later, no regrets. I burnt their houses down, (metaphorically) and then salted the ground for good measure. One was due to receive a prestigious university award for outstanding character.....nope. Family, fiancés, family of fiancés, friends, coworkers, employers, clients, schools administrations, professors, wives of their male friends, the friends of their friends, lol. I sent an email and copies of evidence to EVERYONE.

Honestly, it felt like justice to me. It still does. I suffered major life altering consequences because of their poor choices. Why shouldn’t they? If I come across as vindictive, oh well. I’m okay with my truth being visible for all to see. Maybe if the psychological consequences weren’t hidden so much, if we weren’t so scared of being seen as crazy or jealous, our society would start seeing infidelity in a more serious light.

[This message edited by LongSigh at 12:12 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

Ahhh the old OW doesn’t owe you anything line... yes they do. We ALL owe it to go through this world not inflicting pain on other people. Period. An OW knowingly inflicts pain and hurt. KNOWINGLY destroys families, destroys the security and safety of children. Just because the conduit is through your spouse doesn’t negate the damage they knowingly caused.

We’re all responsible for the good we put out in this world or the bad. I have never been and nor will I ever be an AP because I give a shit about other people, EVEN those I don’t know.

Anyway, that said, I struggle with exactly the same thing clever girl, my WHs AP likes to put herself across as incredibly empathic and clever, but also ‘sex positive’ (whatever the f@*% that is). I constantly feel the need to write all over her social media as to what a disaster she actually is but reading between the lines, her friends and family already know. She’s living her worst life she stooped so low and was so desperate she had an affair with a married man with two small children. She allowed him to treat her like an unpaid sex worker through a veil of twuluv/kismet/Soulmatism. I mean who does that? Who is that needy, desperate and sad? I would achieve nothing by ranting. Nothing at all. So I snigger (secretly) at her carefully curated social media images (I’ve seen her in real life and face on ) and her stupid comments trying to big herself up and realise she’s utterly broken and long may she stay like that... that’s my revenge!

Don’t feed them... not worth it!

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 4:52 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

Dragonfly - 'Sex positive' probably means she has tested positive for many STDs.

I agree that the OW is also to blame for causing you hurt, as well as your husband. We all owe each other in a civilised society not to do that.

However, I would try and resist the temptation to do anything about it. Attention and drama is what they tend to thrive on I'm afraid, and she will turn it round and paint herself as the victim. I know that OW in my case tried to draw attention from me on a regular basis and it seems to really annoy her when I just don't notice (or pretend not to notice).

Deep breaths

You never look good trying to make someone else look bad. The OW can make herself look bad without any help, because that’s who she is.

Debravation

We ALL owe it to go through this world not inflicting pain on other people. Period. An OW knowingly inflicts pain and hurt. KNOWINGLY destroys families, destroys the security and safety of children. Just because the conduit is through your spouse doesn’t negate the damage they knowingly caused.

I agree completely with what dragonfly123 stated.

We are a society and supposedly a civil society.

We are all responsible and expected, as people within our society, to have the common decency and respect to not go fucking with other people’s marriages and their families.

Children go through incredible pain, anguish, and fear that affects them for the rest of their lives as a result of the ABUSE of infidelity.

If I were a legislator and a judge, I would make BOTH parties to infidelity that affects children do some hard fucking time in prison for it and any divorce entitlements forfeited.

In my opinion, adultery should be made criminal again with penalties being imprisonment and heavy fines in cases where children are being involved because, if you had kids and traumatized them, their other parent, and destroyed their family, then you have indeed committed child abuse.

Waywards can pound sand if they disagree.

(My XWW, to this day, has never apologized nor even acknowledged the pain she caused our children - she believes she did nothing at all to them. Complete fantasy land.)

That said, I wouldn’t bother with making any comments on the OW social media.

She’s an adulterer which makes her an inherently, supremely selfish, self-entitled piece of shit that only cares about herself.

All the so-called altruistic social-media bullshit that she posts are simply to get praise, pats on the back, and commentary telling her how wonderful she is.

Most of her “friends” are probably similar to her and will quickly come to her defense and cast you as some crazy, jealous woman and her as a sweetheart who would never hurt anyone - and then she will symbiotically give praise back to her “BFFL’s” for having her back.

Leave her to writhe in her shitty facade.

Live your real life and live it with honor and dignity.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 3:06 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

Making yourself look jealous will never get you anywhere. You know that, that's why you came here to ask us and "to talk you off the ledge".

I am just reminding you of what you already know.

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I’ve been working through the anger phase of this mess again and this phase always tempts me to start lashing out. That’s what led me to check her work FB and formulate a plan. I agree that it wouldn’t be a good look.

Long Sigh, I will just have to live vicariously through your story. For now, anyway. I’m sure I’ll be tempted again at some point and I’ll be back on here re-reading the replies.

Clevergirl

I want so to do this the OW in my case works with adults and children both in her home and theirs. There is a photo of her smiling mug on the internet. I only ever looked once, it made me want to vomit I would love to give her some feedback!! But ultimately she would be straight in touch with my WH and it will be me that caused that. I won't give either of them the satisfaction. She's in my head like a migraine that refuses to react to pills. I hate her with a vengeance. She didn't give me or my family a second thought. These are selfish people. They don't deserve our anger. One day my head will be clear of her, then I will know I am the road to recovery.

Sooo I WAS friends with the OW on fb. I friended her only after my husband admitted he had a crush on her when we were having problems and I realized she was fb friends with all her coworker's wives except for me (should have been a big clue). I was sooo mad that I didn't post something on DDay and tag them both. I didn't have much info at that time, just that they were secretly messaging on FB. A few months after, I searched her name and a public post came up of her meeting her future husband at the airport. She got married a year before the affair began. I decided to comment on the photo. I put something along the lines of, "I remember feeling this happy with my soon to be husband. Too bad (insert whore name) cheated with MY husband a year after this photo was taken. I don't know (OBS), but I know he deserves better than this poor excuse for a human being." It felt good. It felt even better when I saw her reactivate her fb to untag herself in public photos. It made me feel like she was finally being inconvenienced and held accountable for something.

Winter, I also believe that when my head is clear of her I’ll know I’m on the road to recovery. That’s a nice thought and something to look forward to.

Layla, I’m going to also live vicariously through your story. Sounds so satisfying!

Nobody sounds powerful when they yell, "Stay away from my husband!" You'll sound crazy because strong women don't fight over men. They walk away.

That. It pairs well with "a good man can't be stolen".

My H's AP is happy, going on with her life like nothing happened. Her H did some rug sweeping and now they are happily married in LaLa land. She pursued by husband, wanted more of his time, away from our family. Her kids were gone away at college, she had nothing better to do than to pout for more time with him. It was a 13 year affair. During the affair, If she didn't receive a reply from my husband via email she would go to his work, she was relentless in her pursuit. Am I angry that she is happily married in LaLa land, you are damn right I am. There would be nothing better for me to see Karma working but it looks like its not happening.

Just a note on Karma. She is a very patient creature and willing to wait. Hit WH’s AP earlier this year. It took 7 years.

The OW’s dead husband left her destitute. She went trolling soon after and landed in an A with my WH. There are a slew of court ordered non payment judgments against her. Including taxes on her home. That home went up for sheriff sale and Somebody snagged it. Just this month the new owners won their bid to evict her. (She didn’t even show up in court.). She has spawn she can move in with so she’s not homeless but all her dreams on having my house, my garden, my dog, WHs bank account, etc. blew up in her face.

Karma happens. Give it time.

Clever,

I am on the camp of exposing the AP. So manyAPs think they have zero responsibility and feel emboldened to act the way they do without any repercussions. I exposed the AP on other sites besides Facebook.

I don’t feel like a jealous, crazy betrayed spouse but a tough, i’ll Kick your ass BS (Bitch Spouse). She knew what she was getting into, as she admitted it herself on the millions of texts they sent to each other.

F*ck her and her feelings. It’s all about my feelings now!

I put MOW on blast all over a cheaters website YMMV

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:49 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

The OW I had to deal with was dumb enough to believe my H was leaving me. He did tell her that to induce her to start dating him. (Oldest line in the book no?)

Anyhow she used to post on Social media that “she would never stay married to a cheater”. How pathetic I was to do so blah blah blah.

She recently married. Waiting for her H to cheat on her. Karma.

But I have to laugh st the hypocrisy - she would rather be a cheater than stay married to a cheater.

She can’t be playing with a full deck in my opinion