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Blindsided,

She met a guy at the bar, he was charming, fed into her insecurities of just turning 42. After spending a good amount of time at the bar, he propositioned her to come home with him and she accepted.

Am curious, since they spent such a long time in the bar, did her friend know what was happening?

It would be strange that they spent a 'good amount of time at the bar', and the friend did not notice anything.

High possibility of the friend being complicit in the deception. If she is, then it is time to turf that 'friend' out, as she is no friend of your M.

BTW, what consequences is your WW facing? Does she still go and have drinks without you? Anymore GNOs? Long shopping trips on her own or with friends?

Blindsided,

You've received absolutely A1 advice on this thread from guys who are all, through no choice of their own, experts in their field!

Prepare yourself for the emotional roller coaster ride from Hell and remember this...REGRET is a very distant cousin of REMORSE!

Strength to you Blindsided.

I refer you back to my first post, Blindsided. Have you checked with your WWs girlfriend and her spouse/SO? What's going on on that front? Were they each other's wingman?

The whole thing appears suspicious to me. My WW went to for drinks after work with her AP and a female co-worker she supervised quite frequently. The female co-worker gave the impression that all was above board because they all went for drinks together. The female coworker provided cover - all innocent.

[This message edited by steadychevy at 6:48 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]

I also am amazed t just how easily my ww lies. When I caught her doing something, she first yells and screams that I am an asshole for looking at her phone or just for assisting her. Then when she realizes she is caught dead to rights, she makes up a story, like I sent those texts but they were for a friend or she cops to a lesser plea like we only talked. Then again it’s on me and I “have to get over it”. She is the classic narcissit. She has everyone fooled, they think she has it all together. When I told ber we were done, you could almost see the facade crack and fall to the ground. I told her for years that I didn’t buy into her lies, I stayed because I wanted my kids to get a bit older. So she continued to lie and i continued to keep track. I believe the ws truly believes they are so damn smart. It’s amazing just how quickly they crumble when their whole life disintegrates. For 20 years she refused to work, she said” I thought we were a team and that we share our money.” Sorry sweetie, you lose.

My Sister in Law, her Sister, introduced them and having had a relationship with him, she covered up for and assisted in the deception with me.

I wonder what your wife would say if you ask her if it was alright if you went out and had some woman feed into your insecurities and take you home to have sex to make you feel better about yourself. Ask her. This thing of mid life crazies is something I don't understand. I sometimes think it's just an ego boost and the want to just have sex with someone else. I never went through this phase in my life. I guess I was too busy with my career and living my life with the woman I loved and felt lucky to be sleeping with. I do wish you well.

I asked that question and she immediately changed the subject and confronted me for taking vengeance by looking at all manner of porn. She firmly believes my looking at porn is as bad or equal to her LTPA. I realize it is her coping mechanism trying to resolve her guilt and pain. As I said to her, I have not shared any emotions or body parts with any other human being and any fantasy revolved around her. I am impotent as a result of of prostate cancer 10 years ago, so masturbation takes a lot of effort and intercourse, though possible with medication is never spontaneous. When she was withholding sex, visual stimulation was my only relief, but in no way as satisfying as real intimacy between lovers.

The old “you watch porn so it is OK for me to cheat” excuse. It’s the most stupid excuse anyone can use.

Meme, especially since her affair lasted nearly 4 years and I didn’t start looking at porn until 10 years later while we were living apart due to a job transfer.

Blindsided - How are you doing?