SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After I found out, he was having an affair, he told his AP, our mutual friend, she sent me a message, kind of apology, which made me so furious I called her immediately and asked her why, she said, we were together for a long time and maybe our relationship was stale / over and some other stupid shit like this. She said she knew, that somebody will get hurt in this schlamassl, meaning herself, poor thing . I told her she is dead to me.

So, I would say no. It can make things worse. No contact is the best thing. Of course, people are different, some would appreciate it, I sure didn't.

If nobody has TOLD the OBS than YOU should tell the OBS but to me the only true apology would have to be face to face. I really don't think that he would walk away and I might be facing a life sentence even after 35 years!

NC means No Contact that is No CONTACT!! An apology is CONTACT.

JMO YMMV

This question has come up in some form or another quite a few times, and by a very large margin, most BSs do NOT want to hear from their spouse’s ap. I know I’m in that camp - I definitely would not want to hear from either of them for any reason, ever.

In response to another comment on this thread, I do think it’s quite sad, even unkind and possibly selfish, when one BS chooses not to inform the other one. That person has just as much of a right to know the truth about his life as you do.

I’ve alluded to why I didn’t tell OBS in other posts. It was something I really thought about and ultimately decided against. I struggle with the decision sometimes. I also know it’s very unpopular here. This is all a discussion for another post. I remain in the “a good apology would be helpful” camp. That said I doubt she’d be able to deliver anyway so I’m not holding out for one and it’s not keeping me from moving forward.

I am a woman so not your target but I don’t want an apology from her. I know her but not that well so my assumption would be that it was insincere and more of an attempt to assuage her own guilt. Apologies can be selfish.

An apology from the motherfucker to the betrayed husband of his cheating slut, that's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.

I'm a BH. If I received an apology letter from the piece of shit who fucked my WXGF, I'd be insulted and pissed. "Aw, man, sorry I fucked your wife. She was a good lay though. You're a lucky man. Heh heh."

Such a letter would cause me to seriously reconsider and probably follow through with my urge to find his car parked at his workplace, break into it, and shit on the driver's seat.

Just no. No, no, and nonononono.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 3:52 PM, July 12th (Friday)]

I did inform her boyfriend last year when I found out they were talking, but blocked both of them on Facebook after that. I think I’m just more curious of what my husband would say if he were to apologize, but I agree with most on here that actually doing that would be a bad idea.

I got what on paper might be considered a good apology.

It did not help.

It was hurtful.

A known liar stringing together pretty words is useless. Actions count and the only action I want from the OW is for her to stay as far away as humanly possible and keep my name out of her crooked mouth.