SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Puff, you are so new to this. Your DDay was just 3 weeks ago. Its going to hurt for a long time, and you will also have triggers, depending on what you know.

With that said, take it easy on yourself. Like SuperDaddy, I also Divorced my unremorseful WW. There we some signs at times that she was sorry, but never really remorseful. She's still with her AP now 2.5yrs out from Dday and we are Divorced. I don't regret at all divorcing her. She's a shitty person, and now that I have my rose colored glasses off, shes not the person who I thought I married. I wouldn't touch her today, knowing what I know. I wouldn't be friends with her. She's just a fake, immature, low self esteem piece of white trash. Just like the rest of her family.

With time, you'll be able to heal. I'm not suggesting you D or not, but to let you know that time will help. At 3 weeks, those wounds are still very very fresh and raw.

Good luck

hi Puff - so sorry to hear you are in this unbelievably painful situation. You got some wonderful, wise advice from others. I just wanted to add my perspective - three years out from a second DDay and two years divorced. I deeply loved my now ex even though I knew in my heart I had to divorce him (years of lies, a secret apartment for his trysts, trips with OW disguised as business trips, a baby with the first OW). I thought we were best friends and partners and I took my vows seriously. But I knew he wasn't going to change and I had to take action. I got the best attorney I could find and trusted her. I went to Divorce Care and IC, leaned on friends and family, and hung on. Realize that you are in the midst of trauma and limbo and your rational brain is likely overcome by emotions. I remember ruminating about it all of the time - no longer thankfully. Believe that you can move through this and free yourself from the terrible abuses she is doing toward you and your marriage. It has taken me years of healing and intentional work, but now I look at him and his life now and am so grateful he is not in my life anymore. I still hold love for him in my heart; probably always will, but I believe I deserve to be with a partner who respects me and our relationship; clearly your wife isn't doing that and may not want to change. You can only control yourself - despite your deep love for her, you can't make someone love you and respect you back. Hang on. You will get through this.

This. Over and over.

I still hold love for him in my heart probably always will, but I believe I deserve to be with a partner who respects me and our relationship clearly your wife isn't doing that and may not want to change. You can only control yourself - despite your deep love for her, you can't make someone love you and respect you back. Hang on. You will get through this.

This is my situation. He actually has finally hit something that might be remorse but there was just too much disrespect. I deserve better. And so do you.

I married my husband at age 19, he was 21. Just kids. Time goes by and I am 61, married 42 years, and I love him as much or more now as I did then. He was faithful to me all those years as far as aI know. So, his affair came as a shock. To add further shock to that, he always maintained he is not attracted to women of color. But he is having an affair with same and has fallen in love with her. I've sought an attorney for a divorce 3 times. I don't know who I am without him. I am suffering and wonder if I will ever be able to let go of him. One day I want a divorce and then I can't let him go. We were supposed to be working on saving our marriage but I know he is still seeing her. The lies and betrayal have messed up my head. The suspicions are driving me insane. I won't leave my house and have become functionally depressed. I don't want to love him anymore. It is clear he no longer loves me. To add insult to injury I became very sick and was in the hospital for a while, then my mother died and I am also raising our non-verbal autistic grandson. He started his search for a new woman when I was sick. 42 years of marriage and I was a good wife, and this is how he repays me. I know he has become a POS and why I still love him? I don't know. When I say I feel your pain, i mean it. I think men have a harder time when their wives cheat because in most cases they lose their home, children, still have to pay the mortgage while another man lives in the home he built. I am so sorry for your pain.

I didn't want to divorce my wife.

I cried while finalizing everything. The office worker asked if I was sure and my wife answered for me.

Then it was done. And I've felt so much better. And with only a week's worth of reflection I'm already seeing a lot about her I ignored.

Divorcing her is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I'm more sad about not being able to eat her mom's special noodles or see my ex niece than I am about not talking with her.

The person I love died. Or never existed.

Today a girl asked if I was married and I realized how happy I was to say I'm single. For the first time in years it felt like someone was really interested in me, and I wasn't holding myself back.

Divorce for you. Not for her.

[This message edited by Ganondorf at 12:52 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]