SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tell her after the divorce you are going to take her advice. You're going to try something new and exciting. I do wish you well.

Steadychevy, thanks for checking on me. I have been reading and getting things in order as recommended from replies and other info on the website. I have had to change my focus for the moment and direct my efforts in helping my daughter correct some bad decisions. I’ll be back.

A previous reply was asking what she meant by new and exciting? She was referring to those exciting first date feelings when you don’t know the individual and can sit and talk for hours. The first kiss feeling. After reading the replies to my post, I am getting excited about what new and exciting will be for me in the not too distant future!

You’re taking the D route?

Have you informed the OBS?

A number of years ago I came to this site for advice (different user name I can no longer access)—- I did my very best to follow the advice I received and am happily still married. It was really difficult to hear some of the opinions of my H, but if you follow the advice you receive, IMO, you’ll come away a stronger, healthier version of you, whether you R or D.

Good luck

I see this was posted a week or so ago. I hope you're in a good place right now. It's amazing what you held back for the sake of your children. I definitely could not have done that.

He had sent her a couple photos of his genitals.

Talk about cliche. When are people going to stop thinking this is so cool? So gross.

I agree with others. The OM is definitely NOT a good person and your WW was simply protecting him, which shows that she valued that over you. Also sounds like she liked being able to push you around and now that she can't, she's done. Not really somebody worth fighting for.

Think about it this way. If this were your son or your daughter in your position, what would you advise them to do at this point?

You have already put in the effort, and can move forward with a clear conscious.

We tried to R. Or should I say I was trying to R while she was just playing games. A few weeks ago I said I deserve to be treated better. Shortly thereafter, she said that even though her IT recommends working on it through the rest of the year, WW believes her feelings will not change and we have started moving toward D. At this point, I am exhausted. I am in an ok place. Just done with her. Taking care of me and spending time with the kids as we move forward.

Your WW is the typical walk-away-wife or WAW. Just let her keep walking. She is incredibly selfish in her mindset and this will not change one bit until she has had some time away from you where you are not around to offer the benefits of a spouse and marriage that she has clearly taken for granted. Stay focused on raising and taking care of the kids and be the best dad ever. The rest will take care of itself as you further detach from her little midlife bullshit.

NewandExciting:

Sorry for what you are going through. Your story hit home with me as I too had a wife like yours. I busted my butt to work hard, try to be a good Husband & Father and build a nice life for our family only to discover I had a cheating wife who had been bad mouthing me to various friends for years. The worst part was much of it was not true. When I tried to set things up for just the two of us she would say no and then later tell friends via text/email that I never wanted to do anything.

From everything you have written, you seem to have a walk away wife for sure. Someone mentioned she is way ahead of you in regards to planning to leave you when the time is right for HER and they are 100% spot on. After discovering my exWW affairs (yes, she had several), it was clear she was simply monkey swinging from branch to branch and she wanted to make sure her next branch was solid before she let go of me. Once I caught on, I gathered my evidence in a safe place, prepared as best I could and then confronted her. She was unrepentant and left to "take the biggest gamble of her life" (chase the married man she was in love with).

I am writing today because I wanted to let you know how the story turns out. She got a little apartment and continued to entertain her boyfriend and I filed for divorce. I kept quiet (for the most part) while I completed the divorce on mostly my terms. As soon as the papers were signed, I reached out to the other wife and blew up their little fantasy. Of course he dropped my exWW instantly and started crawling back to his wife. My ExWW starts texting me wanting to reconcile and put our family back together. I guess the next branch was not so stable after all. Dumb ass married man cheater also used company email so I forward a lot of his trash to coworkers so they could enjoy his prose. Whatever you do, do not let the pool boy get away without serious repercussions. Tell his wife, the company he works for and post anonymous flyers in you neighborhood to avoid this predator.

It's been four years now. Still the hardest thing I've ever done, I wish it hadn't all happened but I am so glad to be out. ExWW's life has been an on-going train wreck. She looks horrible and complains a lot about depression and how she does not have all the things she was accustomed to. Although we agreed on 50/50 custody, my kids live with me 100% of the time and see her for dinner once or twice a month. My kids seem to be adjusting well and thriving which is my number one focus. Work is good and I've had a girl friend for over a year now who just can't believe what my exWW threw away like garbage.

Hang in there man. You will be on a roller coaster but please focus on yourself and the kids. Your wife is quicksand that you need to save yourself front. If it comes down to listening to your heart or head, go with your head every time. If it makes you feel better, you can always reconcile with her after you divorce. I am here to tell you however that with time and perspective, that is the last thing in the world you will ever want to do.

Please tell the other betrayed spouse. She needs to know. In anything, for health reasons. This son of a bitch could be having sex with other women, too, and passed on STDs to his wife. Also, you beee to swipe the smile off his face. You shouldn’t get away what he’s got away with thus far. Make him accountable,. Otherwise, you will allow him to destroy more families in the future.

Daybyday99, thanks for sharing. I know she has been dealing with this for some time before I was blindsided. She is ahead of me in the planning. My eyes are getting wider but at the same time still in disbelief. “Walk away wife”. Never thought of that term not to mention it apply to the individual I have been married to for 23 years.

Getting things in order

@DayByDay99:

That is an inspiring post.

I hope that my situation turns out for me as well as yours sounds.

I don't wish bad for my WW though.

Good to hear about your kids doing okay.

DayByDay99, Newandexciting :our (ex) WW are of the same species. You get to wonder what’s going on in their head, these are adult women (or men)?

And once you divorce them, they invariably self-destruct. Whatever thought process they use to make those cheating decisions stay there after we leave. My XWW, 20 odd years later, is at a point of "I’m not dating anymore, all men are bad"

Newandexciting you keep reading here that BS are the prize, Waywards: not so much. Give yourself some time and you will see it to.

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 11:43 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

Yes, when you meet someone who wants to be with you, it is great. Just not being around someone who is such a negative influence is a huge lift. It is absolutely "addition by subtraction".

Your STBXWW sounds like the "I deserve to be happy" type. That doesn't make for a good partner, because as soon as they are unhappy, they look for the next person who will make them happy.

My XWW jumped around until she was pregnant again. She's still with her new baby daddy, but they aren't married. My kids don't think she's going to. I'm surprised she hasn't started looking for someone new yet. I won't be surprised to find out there is someone else. Not my problem anymore.

NewandExciting and MrHockey:

I know you are both in the early stages of this mess but please believe me when I say you will get through this and you will thrive. I was married for over 18 years to someone I would have never dreamed would do something like this. I honestly spent the first year after DDay just coming to terms that all of it did happen and this was now my life.

I'm not telling either of you anything you haven't already heard but this is a true roller coaster. You will have good days and bad days. I would be lying if I said the good outnumbered the bad early on but slowly but surely you will both find your new normal.

Some key things to remember:

Take care of yourself. Eat when you can, drink lots of water and get some exercise. Even if you don't feel like it, it will help you and a strong you will be a strong Dad to your kids.

Give yourself a break. You didn't see this coming and you didn't ask for it. All the same it's here. Behave in a matter a future you will be proud of and if you come up short of that goal you are only human.

I said it before but put your head before your heart. Don't get too caught up in emotions to truly see who are married to. It will happen sooner or later so the sooner it happens, the sooner you start protecting the future for you and your kids.

Finally, you are not alone. You may feel alone but you are not. This website saved me (and thousands of others) and we want to give back what we can. Others have walked your paths and we are here to offer help and support. Read, ask questions or just come to vent. We've got you.