SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It may sound like some crazy James Bond shyt but at the very least "know your enemy"!

Granted your old lady is the one that is disrespecting you, but in cases like this you gotta get on top of this before the POS flies out to bang her …..or even worse she goes out to be with him!!!!

AND YES WE UNDERSTAND SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE ISSUE....but I'm telling you find a way to scare off the OM....or at the very least make the OM look scary enough to make you wife second guess her choices.

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 6:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]

Does the online instructor know what's going on?

You can make this very messy for the OM if you play this right and save a 22 year marriage.

Again....getting the OM out of the picture is one way to save this.

The second way is to show your old lady you will not share her and have the confidence to just let her go....chicks dig confident guys!!!

In this case you can make her think twice in what she is about to loose....but I'm guessing she will come crawling back after she finds out she was just being used......in a very bad way!

At the end of the day I believe you can get rid of this emotional affair by shutting down the OM, then handle your wife with some IC and a good spanking....but that's just me.

good luck

I don't have much to add beyond what the others have already said. But, I would emphasize this.

now she wanted a divorce. This guy is married too but separated for 6 years with kids and he was talking about divorcing and marrying her. Neither one has met one another in person because they live 1000 miles apart. That's the part I don't get. Also, my wife has admitted she isn't that attracted to him physically, like me, but that he mended her broken heart and so she gave her heart to him.

This doesn't sound like "an affair", this sounds like your spouse is having a mental breakdown. You shouldn't "get it" because it is, in somewhat incorrect terms "Just Plain Nuts".

My suggestion is that your wife and you don't need MC, but she needs IC, and she needs to see her physician, and possibly needs to see a mental health specialist/psychiatrist. Everything you wrote screams depression and extremely poor coping skills, which screams depression.

Edited to Add: I'm NOT calling your wife "Just Plain Nuts", so please don't take it that way. I'm referring to the situation.

People who are depressed begin to make decisions that make no sense to people who are not depressed, the same happens to people who are bipolar, hypomanic, manic, etc. I know, I married someone with depression, and I have a relative with bipolar one, and the focus of dealing any issue needs to be medical treatment.

My relative's spouse and in-laws didn't understand and couldn't accept the bipolar issue for what it was and thought all the behaviors were willful even though she was clearly completely and utterly out of control in her manic episodes and in her depressive episodes. To this day, 30 years after I witnessed a manic woman screaming all night at the top of her lungs about God and Damnation and wondering barefoot around a farm in the middle of nowhere, stalking three of us in the house and blocking the driveway so we could not leave, those other relatives of mine still can't accept the diagnosis. So, get medical help if she will, and understand it may not be what you think.

[This message edited by standinghere at 2:54 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

This doesn't sound like "an affair", this sounds like your spouse is having a mental breakdown.

This also was one of my thoughts, I did not see it myself at the time but others around me pointed out that my wayward BPD (ex)gf was a person who became easily, and over the top, infatuated with things and other people, illogical (just as being in love with a person who you never met) and more intense than what was considered "normal". I now know that when things about a person are "off" or "weird", there might be an underlying psychological problem. Something to explore perhaps. Strength!

whenever you get a sense of being blamed for this trashy abusive behaviour remind yourself that you did not FORCE by GUN POINT your wife to cheat.

I am sure if you really took some time out you would see that actually she bought a lot of shit to the show too, and did you even consider cheating?

Her character - at this moment, or perhaps always - is bad. protect yourself.

dude, you;re doing the pick me dance. read up on EVERYTHING in the healing library. affairs follow particular patterns and dynamics, armed with the knowledge you will begin to see things as they truly are.

Oops! Wrong thread.

[This message edited by fareast at 11:19 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

Sorry to hear about your situation bv.

The other man is married and cheating on his current wife by shoveling bullsh*t to women online. And your wife at her age is actually falling for it. Your wife is at least 40yo and she's acting like a 15yo uneducated girl. What the hell?

The first question I'd be asking myself as a BS is, "Is this broken person who apparently feels that I'm not valuable enough to be faithful to, worth the effort?" If I value myself then my answer should be, "No, they are not worth the effort."

You would do well to take her name off of everything you own and off of all of your accounts and finances, and finalize the divorce as quickly as possible. Then send your wife off in her car in the direction of the other man. Be prepared for her to come begging back to you after she drops like a rock from her cloud#9. Block her calls and texts, and have your new live-in answer the door when your ex knocks; that should give her the message she desperately needs. Then enjoy the rest of your life drama and worry free.

As a man it is natural to try to fix things. You are not responsible to fix her. Infact, you cant. She has to do that.

If she really thinks this guy is separated she is a fool. He's lying.

This ^^^^

Your CW is an idiot! She's going to get a rude awakening when she shows up on this guy's doorstep.

She has never laid eyes on the guy but says she is in love with him.

She does not respect you and does not respect your marriage. Give a surprise one-way ticket. Tell her you love her and just want her to be happy. Wish her well and tell her not to forget to let you know where she is so you can send D papers.

How are you doing? Have you moved forward with the collective advice? Wishing you well.

I hope you wake up and listen. Like most you're blindsided and have zero idea what you're dealing with.

When you are new here, and horribly new to the maelstrom of betrayal, some of the strong advice here can seem harsh, even judgmental. Please do not take it that way. Everyone here knows EXACTLY how this feels, and desperately wants you to avoid the mistakes we made. Because there is no body language or intonation to temper the delivery, the advice can sometimes be hurtful rather than helpful.

What everyone agrees on is that limbo is a horrible state. While you do not have to decide anything immediately, the not-knowing phase is very hard to tolerate. But you cannot rugsweep; that just prolongs the limbo for you. And you have to take charge in setting boundaries and consequences. If your “marriage-mode” has been to be a pleaser and appeaser to keep peace in the house and avoid conflict, this will be especially hard.

Post all you like, and if some advice rubs you wrong ask the poster what is behind it, with an open mind. Usually you will get a personal story that puts the advice into context and that may resonate with you.

[This message edited by Odonna at 8:06 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

UPDATE:

I moved back in with my wife a few days ago so we could save money until the divorce was over by not having to pay for two places. The plan was for me to stay in the extra bedroom, but the new bed doesn't arrive for a couple more days. So we share a bed. The first night she told me she felt like making love to me and wondered how I felt about it. I told her that she was my wife and that I loved her so what do you think I feel about it. So things happen and it was mutually enjoyable. Next day, her man calls her and tells her he is completely done with the relationship. Says something about it having to do with his daughters mostly. Whatever. I was there during the call. She was devastated. She deleted all contacts with him. It's definitely over. Now the question becomes, "What do I do?" I still love her. I could take time to slowly mend our relationship and see if we can get to where we were we used to be. However, the divorce process is still in effect and she hasn't said anything regarding it, but this break up just happened yesterday so I don't want to say too much until she has had some time. I had planned on moving back to Indiana to be with family and friends and find new employment because the only thing keeping me here in Florida was her. She is from Indiana as well and has family there. She told me that even though I am living with her that I shouldn't stop seeing my girlfriend. I told her I was only interested in one thing...her. Her response, even after this breakup is she can't make any promises. I guess I need to take the next few days and see how things go with this new dynamic. What do you guys think? Run for the hills, try and make it work (this is what I want to do), or its over and can't be repaired.

Run.

What is to stop your WW from doing the same thing again?

What if her AP re-appears to be available again?

So what if she has deleted her AP's info. She can easily get it back again.

She has shown you who she really is, and you should really recognise that.

All in all, your healing cannot start properly if you are still in contact. You are saving money, at the expense of your own healing.

She told me that even though I am living with her that I shouldn't stop seeing my girlfriend.

Wha??

She told me that even though I am living with her that I shouldn't stop seeing my girlfriend.

???

Explain please...

What do you guys think?

I am honestly rendered speechless, but I will gently suggest that you get IC asap.

Wait. You have a girlfriend?

I’m going to ignore that til it’s explained.

In the meantime don’t stop anything with the D. Move forward with your plan to go back to Indiana. Move on with your life.

If she follows you and wants to do the work to figure out why she was Able to cheat on her husband, fix what’s wrong and try to win you back, that’s on her.

Don’t worry about that. If it happens it happens.

Get your own therapist and start working thru the pain and why you detached from your Wife in the past. Get ready for your next great relationship.

Also better to put your updates in new posts on this thread instead of editing your first post.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 6:43 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

UPDATE:

I stayed with my wife for about two months after she first told me about her new love. We tried to cohabit together, but it was just too much for me because of the constant talking/texting nearly 24/7. Almost to addiction levels. This really hurt me so I moved out. While I was gone, I would still think about her all the time and whether she was talking to monkeyboy. I was in a dark place. To help fill this void, I tried to do some dating apps, but after 2 dates I discovered it was too soon and I wasn't ready. I really just wanted someone to talk with and help get my mind off of her. I did eventually find a girl that really helped me through it. This is the one referred to as the girlfriend in my previous update. I know this sounds selfish, but I really just needed her, or anybody, to help get me through my predicament. Unfortunately during the process she wants to be serious and that is the last thing I want right now so I'm in the process of breaking it off. My wife knows of her because she asked me once if I was in a good place and I said I was now because I had someone to help me through it. And she asked if it was a girl and I said yes. Then the very next thing she asked me was if I slept with her. I found this odd, but I didn't lie and I told her I had, but that wasn't my intention. I told her the girl was rather aggressive and instigated it, no that that is an excuse. She didn't seem to upset about it. She did ask to see a picture of her and I showed her. This girl isn't anywhere as beautiful as my wife, so I kind of hated to show her. She even said it wasn't what she expected. So this is the "girlfriend" I referenced earlier.

You really need to deal with your co-dependency issues bvw. Nothing you've said changes my advice to you. Get the divorce finalized as soon as possible and head back to Indiana. Don't break it off with your girlfriend either. At least she hasn't betrayed you yet. Wish you STBX well and move on with your life. It's painful; I've been there; but you need to climb out of the pit you're in and away from the resident snake that's already bit you and is waiting to bite you again.