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Good for you on telling the OS...by the way, I'm very vengeful and immediately called the OBS in my situation. It was very enlightening and hilarious. I. did. not. care. period!! I told everyone and anyone that asked or even hinted. Don't feel bad for telling the OBS. To this day the OW in my case avoids being in the same area I am in bc she knows I'll bring it up in front of people. lol I still don't care!

What is he doing to help you recover? Change his #? Blocked her? do you have 100% transparence to everything from email to bank accounts?

How are you doing today? Your steel toed bitch boots look good on you!

He had an affair for 3 years and is expecting to do some superficial counseling and have everything be forgiven and forgotten? It is likely to take three years for you to recover from this affair, assuming he is doing everything to help you heal-- he is transparent, honest, and is living his life with integrity.

Well I must say I had great satisfaction in telling OBS, but it was very short lived as I wanted to take her perfect lie of a life away from her and I told her in the first round of texts that she should stop the lies and tell her OBS but she ignored me so I set out to destroy her, my satisfaction in hurting her lasted a day as the OBS turned it back on me as OW told him it was over before they got together, which is a lie on her part and he got nasty on me saying that my husband did it because he wasn't getting any attention from me at home and that she wasn't the first nor was she the last which destroyed me even more and it was not true. Husband says this is not the case and she was the only one ever, but who knows I certainly don't! I have asked him why he feels no remorse and he says he does and I asked him to explain why, what, when but he says he can't. OBS and OW are still together and what she has done to me has had no ill effect on her or her life and as she said to me it was just harmless fun!! They even talked about him working for her when he came home from Kuwait and they laughed as they wouldn't get much work done! What I don't get is why I hate her more than I hate him??

[This message edited by Jude63 at 3:54 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]

What the OBS does with the information, Jude, is up to them. You did the right thing. I wish someone, anyone, would have told me. If the OBS wants to rugsweep and deny they are in for a bad time.

I think it's easier to be angry with the other person rather than the WS. It is the person we loved and who said loved us. We have history with them. It's a form of denial.

The fact is it's the WS that betrayed us. There are no circumstances that can ever justify what they did. Nothing you did or didn't do would have prevented his adultery. He did it. He made the choice time and time again.

I'm not saying the AP is without blame. Just that your husband, no matter the circumstances, was to protect his marriage against all attacks. In most cases, no matter how it starts, the WS not only didn't protect the marriage but initiated, participated and encouraged the attacks.

Jude, some times you give people a seed instead of a flower. He's laughing and believes her today. He won't be next time she cheats or after he's had some time to think about it and realize something isn't adding up. Regardless, there is no way that someone as deceitful and cruel as her is going to live happily ever after. She will find a way to mess it all up.

As for your WH - remember. He's a liar. A liar is always going to tell you they're remorseful when they're not. How could he possibly answer that question with the truth? Don't listen to his words. Watch his ACTIONS. Remorse is all about the actions - answering all of your questions honestly, giving you access to his phone, email, social media etc., going to IC, and doing whatever you need him to do to help you heal. He outed himself as soon as he refused to answer your questions. "I don't know" isn't a valid response. It's code for, "I don't want to tell you," and that is unacceptable.

He thinks it's fine to have two or more women.....so if you get an awful disease or have stress thinking about his adventures.....just put up with it so he can have his younger toy. Nope, no harem for him. He doesn't sound like he's going to change. Protect yourself.

Hi @Jude63 I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this painful situation in your marriage. Forgiveness after betrayal is hard, it does take time and it does not excuse the wrong that has been done but forgiveness is important for you emotional health, so my hope for you is that you will be able to get to that point in due time for yourself and that the near future will bring you healing, peace and strength.

From my own experience, I don't think you should rush to get back to 'normality as suggested by your husband because that is never beneficial for true R.

I also want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself and remember that you are worthy of love that can be trusted.

[This message edited by BellaLee at 2:45 AM, October 4th (Friday)]