SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Westway,

Try to avoid getting involved with women now, you are in no shape to make those kinds of decisions. There's also a chance you will end up with another cheater, a duplicate of your WW even.

"You know I didn't want it to be this way. I'm sorry I couldn't be a good wife to you. I'm sorry I hurt you, even though I know it does not mean much."

Nothing unusual or uncommon here but it is just words which don't mean all that much. Her actions over a long period of time tell you more.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:59 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

I won't be dating anytime soon... not for years probably. Even after I get through the divorce, I still have to go through the Church annulment, which is like going before the Nuremburg tribunal. I have to contend with her all through that...AFTER the D is final. During that time WW will most likely be pulling trains on the Pistons during the weekends. This is going to take me probably a good two or three years of nasty anguish to get through.

I expect she'll be all closed back up when I get home tonight.

Her SIL and MIL have been hammering her about breaking up the family all day and night.

I bet she tries to seduce you. Just where my money is at.

Then if/when you turn her down, she will go back to them and say she tried to work things out with you again. They probably don't know how bad it was, just like she doesn't know you know. She will admit what she has too. Going through the standard handbook on how to get a man to sit down and be quiet after a major screw up on her part.

Why would she make herself out to be the bad guy? She is the victim is probably going to be her next plea. I also think she will offer to let you have your own affair. You know that is where your MIL's mind is now. I mentioned this earlier. You haven't mentioned anyone playing that card yet.

Lastly, don't go all pious after the divorce. She will be running the train. I have some good girl friends who got divorced and women tend to go crazy for about a year afterward. Instead think about dating briefly and slowly. If you shut it down, you will be too scared to start up and have every excuse in the book. Or your first date will go like crap and you can go all hermit for another couple of years.

Talk to your divorced buddies. I bet they give the same advice and will help you out.

[This message edited by DoinBettr at 4:31 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Posted by Westway:

Oh....if she only knew how much I know.

Does that mean you did not tell her or allode to the mountain of betrayal and horrible fuckery she perpetrated behind your back?

If you didn't tell her, good work!

Does that mean you did not tell her or allode to the mountain of betrayal and horrible fuckery she perpetrated behind your back?

If you didn't tell her, good work!

She thinks I only know about three.

I also think she will offer to let you have your own affair.

She already did this. She asked if we could have an open marriage. She said she would not stop me from getting together with other women if it would save the marriage.

Well, the boarding gate just called. Talk to you all later.

Good luck tonight

You'll probably get the martyr speech of "stay for the kids", etc.

[This message edited by Marz at 5:49 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Good luck and as before tell all the minimum but full amount of men and duration don’t accept any shit. It is all on her

She asked if we could have an open marriage. She said she would not stop me from getting together with other women if it would save the marriage.

Have you heard of a so-called "lavender marriage"? This is when a gay man and a lesbian woman knowingly marry, never intending to actually be romantically nor sexually involved with each other. Back in the day, gay people did this so they could procreate (often, the gay "husband" was not the biological father of the lesbian "wife's" children), buy real estate, etc., all under the umbrella of the body of laws and regulations that make it financially and legally advantageous to be a married person.

If you really don't care about your WW, and would be fine with each of you being essentially single, you could carry on in a version of that.

f you really don't care about your WW, and would be fine with each of you being essentially single, you could carry on in a version of that.

Respectfully, I would think that ship has sailed by this point.

She thinks I only know about three.

Have you found evidence of more men or do you suspect there are more than the three your PI found?

With her attraction to a certain type of male, I would not be surprised to find out she has been cheating for many years with many others.

Have you found evidence of more men or do you suspect there are more than the three your PI found?

Read back a few pages. There's a much more detailed PI report.

"You know I didn't want it to be this way. I'm sorry I couldn't be a good wife to you. I'm sorry I hurt you, even though I know it does not mean much."

Hmmm.

"You know I didn't want it to be this way."

No, but she did want it to be "that way" where you never find out about sleeping with a lot of guys.

"I'm sorry I could be a good wife to you"..

Well, yeah, I'm sure that's true, but that good wife thing might involve NOT sleeping with a lot of guys.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, even though I know it does not mean much"

Probably the only sentence everyone might agree upon.

Rex

Butforthegrace

If you really don't care about your WW, and would be fine with each of you being essentially single, you could carry on in a version of that.

But that is the problem. I still love her, despite all she has done. I have no desire to spend the next three years watching her get dressed up on weekends to go out and bang other men. No thank you.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:38 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

Good luck tonight

You'll probably get the martyr speech of "stay for the kids", etc.

No she already did that and it didn't work. She's closed off. Wouldn't say a word to me last night or this morning. We seem to be doing the 180 on each other.

I have a good friend who is a realtor and he is taking me over to look at a townhouse just a few blocks away from where I live now. Maybe if the terms are right I can move in there before end of year.

I also spoke with the paralegal for my attorney today. The divorce petition is close to ready and they will be filing by early next week. She just needed a few more documents from me and we're set. My attorney says I have a good shot at getting primary custody of my younger daughter, so I'm going to go for it. I see no reason to be nice in this. So I'm filing for temporary sole custody. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but frankly I don't care about playing it safe.

If it were me under your circumstances I'd give her the option to pickup and sign the D papers versus having her served.

That might set a good tone to get this done without any more drama than you already have.

So you have gotten all the basic speeches.

One more my buddy got:

"What if we just keep having sex during the divorce proceedings and see if the chemistry comes back?"

It worked out actually pretty good. They still divorced, but every time either one got angry, they would get all dolled up, get the other one drunk and really give it to the other(Yeah, they are freaky in a don't scroll through pictures on their cellphones kind of freaky).

They have a weird relationship where they never really broke up, they just got divorced, but he had to even out the sleeping around in numbers(3), then they stayed together. She didn't really care, she said women won't be into what he is into. Still not married officially, but common law by now I guess.

Their kids didn't know they were divorced until someone mentioned it and they remembered they forgot to tell the kids(teenagers at the time).

Lastly, when are the in laws going to light up your phone? Or did that already happen?

Posted by Westway:

She's closed off. Wouldn't say a word to me last night or this morning. We seem to be doing the 180 on each other.

Nah dude, the 180 is detaching so you can stop being involved with the other person's feelings and day-to-day ups and downs - she's been doing the 180 for years.

What she is doing now is the "Holy Shit, I'm totally busted, and my world is fucked, and there isn't shit I can do or say."