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Shay0104 (original poster new member #71809) posted at 7:22 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
[This message edited by Shay0104 at 7:12 PM, August 8th (Saturday)]
Odonna ( member #38401) posted at 7:33 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
Shay, cheating is any behavior with another that would not take place with one’s spouse standing right there. So his Instagram and secret fb and emails are all cheating behavior.
And he is minimizing it and hiding it and lying about it, despite the fact that you know! So that shows a guilty conscience over the cheating. He knew it was wrong and that is why he kept it from you.
You really have to think about what this means about who he IS as a person? You may not ever have seen this side, but it seems to be a big part of his core identity. If so, do you want to continue life with a partner nearly guaranteed to do this again?
Will he get into IC to address these questions? And authorize the IC to talk directly with you about his therapy? For me that would be a critical first step whether you R or D.
Hurt1227 ( member #71723) posted at 8:17 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I am new to this community and don’t have much to offer you. I know how you are feeling. It is a roller coaster of emotions. Allow yourself to go through the process. It’s not easy! Keep your head up and take one step at a time.
faithfulman ( member #66002) posted at 8:50 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
Your husband is a lying prick. He doesn't give a shit about what he did and he doesn't give a shit about how he has hurt you.
All he wants is to rescue himself from this mess.
I don't think he'll stop either.
If you're not ready to divorce him, and if you can compose yourself,let things normalize, and then go into slueth mode.
Run a recovery program on his phone to recover all the texts, photos, videos, cheater app messages etc.
The program to use is Fonelab, Dr. Fone sucks.
That'll probably give you all the information you need.
You should run the phone recovery immediately, and once you lay off, you'll likely find that he has started his shenanigans again.
If you want to go further, let me know.
P.S. If you don't have kids I think you should skip straight to the divorce and find yourself a decent man.
MamaDragon ( member #63791) posted at 8:54 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
Hugs....it is still cheating.
My suggestion is to dig deeper, pull phone records, credit card statements, credit reports (for both of you) and bank statements. You can learn a lot from them.
You can also do a phone lab or something - there are folks on here that know more than I do about this.
My next step would be for both of you to go to the doc for STD testing -
I'd suggest you go to a lawyer to find out what your options are - not telling you to file but find out what your options are - knowledge is power.
Finally, ask for a polygraph.
Whatever you do, make him do the heavy lifting of repairing your trust. 100% transparency, a time line of when he started talking to these women, who they are etc. GPS his phone/car - I bet you will learn a lot in the coming weeks. They always Trickle truth.
stay strong - YOU are not the one who did anything wrong.
BS - 40 something at A time, over 50 now
WS - him, younger than me
Reconciled
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:28 PM on Saturday, October 12th, 2019
I’m sorry you are here and facing infidelity in your marriage.
Here are the typical cheater behavior your H has exhibited:
Lied upon confrontation or exposure (they all do usually)
Blamed his cheating on You
Lied about his accounts (no FB when he had FB etc.)
Said he didn’t love the one woman that he chatted with for4 years but he did it to “mess with her head”
He’s begging you to stay and promise you everything - but what actions has he taken?
He needs remorse - but regret getting caught.
He needs to read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair and take action. Complete transparency. Agree to counseling for himself. You have free access to all devices and accounts.
He comes clean NOW on everything do you don’t find out more details months from now.
That is where he needs to start.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Harley64 ( new member #71763) posted at 8:20 PM on Tuesday, October 22nd, 2019
Im new here also, Going through somewhat of the same thing , Talk to a lawyer (I did today), I also am so lost. I cry everyday,cant stop thinking about everything ,I Will file D as soon as I locate his burner phone (which I know he has ) I have the last 5 #s and believe i found out the first 2 ,Im now working on his pass code for the messages , Lay back which is so freaking hard but watch and listen if he is doing anything you will know your eyes are wide open now.
Im so sorry we have to go through this but I am one that wants to know before I walk with no regrets. please stay strong
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