SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think I’m having a mental breakdown or imight have PTSD I feel anxious and paranoid alll of the time. I two days ago we were at a. Makeup. Place and my wife went in the store and I was waiting in the car like 20 mins I was literally thinking she’s meeting the AP. Crazy right??

I'm really trying to decide what would scare her more I want my marriage to work seperation or divorce?

That is exactly the wrong thing to be focused on. You've read enough here to know that one of the SI mantras is "do not try to control nor manipulate the outcome". Forget about what she wants and/or fears. Focus on what you want. I think you want a wife who doesn't gaslight you, lie to you, DARVO you, and, most important, fuck other men and tell you it's because she doesn't like sex with you. Right now, you have that wife. You can't change her. Only she can change her. The only thing you can change is whether you are married to her.

Thanks. Iknow this. It’s just so hard I’m paranoid I’m afraid iknow what I should be doing but it’s hard iknow iknow.

I had that feeling every time he was going in to work on weekends or holidays. It was automatic.

Recognize the fear and then verify and let it go. Call her phone or walk in. This is a way to calm yourself and stop the thoughts. If you keep practicing it, they will become less. The thought may come up, but you won't feel distressed.

There is nothing we can do to control anyone and no one should want to make a slave or a person in a cage of their partner. Therefore, we take the risk and it is painful. She shows you she's trustworthy. She does it for your peace of mind and your happiness. She does that effort for you because she cares.

What do you do to take a break from this?

Are you building yourself up? My self esteem took a beating as well. I was being replaced, devalued so I could be discarded for a new sparkly.

I heard it all

You are X, Y and Z

It was all crap.

You know your value. You tell yourself I am a person who deserves love and respect. Her selfish mindset will take some time and effort to clear away. The focus isn't on her anymore. She wanted the extra attention and hurt her faithful loving partner to get it. The same with me. Why that attention is so precious to them I don't understand.

She needs to see what's important in life. The real treasures we have. Love, connectedness, helping others, sharing knowledge, friendship, values, courage and gratitude.

This is a me first gimme gimme culture. People chase after fast gratification. People chase youth, beauty and stuff. People chase sex and power. People chase money and influence.

None of that lasts. None of that builds the spirit.

She can settle down and work on her humanity and show you she's a person good to grow older with. Someone who will grow with you and consider you as the kind spirit you are.