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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:21 PM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2019
Logically I know I have nothing to he ashamed of... but since when do emotions react to logic?
Thoughts can change emotions. You are not stuck with the first emotion you experience. When you feel ashamed, think logically about the situation and tell yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame will, eventually, go away.
HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 1:02 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2019
It all boils down to if you believe that who she is says something about who you are. And it is really, really hard not to let it do so. It creeps right in there.
If you have ever taken pride in your wife, her looks, her actions...if that has ever made you feel good about yourself...then the flip side of that coin is the shame.
Knowing that the effect is there helps to disarm it.
DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" ― Mary Oliver
TwiceWounded (original poster member #56671) posted at 4:10 PM on Thursday, November 14th, 2019
It all boils down to if you believe that who she is says something about who you are. And it is really, really hard not to let it do so. It creeps right in there.
If you have ever taken pride in your wife, her looks, her actions...if that has ever made you feel good about yourself...then the flip side of that coin is the shame.
Knowing that the effect is there helps to disarm it.
That's a really interesting perspective that I hadn't thought about.
On the flip side... BW WANTS for me to take pride in her, to be publicly admiring, etc. Obviously I told her I couldn't do that if I didn't feel it (initially) but 3 years out, I need to try and feel those things again. Seems like trying to disarm that effect also neutralizes feelings of pride that you'd have about WW. I don't know, it's tricky.
Finally time to divorce, at age 40. Final D Day 10/29/23.
Married since 2007. 1st betrayal: 2010. Betrayals 2 - 5 through 2016. Last betrayal Sept/Oct 2023. Now divorce.
2 young kids.
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