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Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 12:46 AM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
^^^^^ YEP. By telling your husband. By seeing this man is not a friend and neither are you. Friends don't do what the two of you did to each other and yourselves. What it is. Misery wants company.
I know he is struggling, but I can't talk to him and support him like a friend after what we had and I don't believe him and I can ever be friends even if he promises he will take that if that's all I can offer him.
You want to get the high from being his KISA. His struggle is not your problem. You don't have to save him. How about saving yourself and your own husband and family. That is your priority because it is your priority and the right thing to do. Not because you crossed the boundaries and can't be friends. It is because he shouldn't even be a speck of dust to you. Indifferent. Off the map. Not an option. Invest in being friends to your husband.
"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS
Amy44 ( member #47329) posted at 7:51 PM on Tuesday, December 10th, 2019
I missed my AP a lot when I first set out to destroy my marriage. I was convinced that our relationship was so special and that he was with his wife, because I was in a "committed" relationship.
My BH really cut through. He made multiple contacts to my AP....AP was terrified and would only respond via text. When AP communicated, he shared that his relationship with me meant nothing and that we were never going to speak again.
I believe that my AP's communication to my BH really helped. I realized that he was a fantasy and that I was an idiot.
It has taken some time, but I do not think about AP at all. I don't want to...I don't need to....he is very insignificant and that is the way it should be.
Me - WW 40's
Husband BH 40's
DD - Trickled over past few years
3 grown / adult kids
Maia ( member #8268) posted at 12:44 AM on Monday, December 16th, 2019
hey. Just wanted to let you know I have the WS record for withdrawal. You can't compete.
hence my survival guide.
Seriously. My hair turned white over it. I was in agony.
no judgment.
the only way out is through. one day at a time. I know this thread is down the page but wanted to pop on and tell you that.
the other thing. I used to have a signature I thought you'd appreciate.
The light at the end of the tunnel comes when I pull my HEAD out of my ARSE.
because oh god. it wasn't. And I knew it wasn't but you can know something cognitively and it doesnt matter to your heart.
keep posting. You will find the way.
[This message edited by Maia at 6:45 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.Psalms 34:18
Broken4good (original poster new member #71996) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2019
Thank you Maia, I needed this today. I feel like there are days I feel like I am making steps forward, but today is a day I feel like I am not even one step ahead. I miss him still. I am trying to remind myself it was fake and look at the list of bad and all that but nothing is helping me get out of this funk. I think the holidays are always a bit rough for me and now I just have something to blame that holiday depression on, at least that's what I am hoping it is.
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