This Topic is Archived
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:10 PM on Monday, December 16th, 2019
Hallmack - you have no reason to feel shame!
FLNightmare - I’m not sure why you don’t think you are strong. It takes strength to reconcile and face that choice, just as it takes strength to face the decision to D.
I too struggled with that issue. Swore up and down I would Divorce if my H cheated. But I stayed. Happy I did. We have a good marriage again. I had to keep telling myself “he’s not the guy he was During his affair”. He’s changed. He’s better in many ways.
Let go of that struggle in you. Make peace with your choice. It will bring you some calm and peace in your life.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:12 PM on Monday, December 16th, 2019
T/J to Hallmack. - start your own thread so we can focus on you and how you feel. I have a few suggestions but I don’t want to take over this thread.
Or you can private message me.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Reece ( member #52975) posted at 5:56 PM on Monday, December 16th, 2019
I felt a tremendous amount of shame. Pick any word really; shame, humiliation, emasculation I felt it all.
Also, many of her friends, our social acquaintances, and all her family knew about it and many of the details (it was a purely physical affair) and this only compounded those emotions.
I suppose I also felt this way from choosing to stay with her, but this was less so. I think I felt that I ‘should’ feel ashamed for putting up with her infidelity, more than I felt it internally.
Dispirited ( member #59226) posted at 6:34 AM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2019
There’s a lot of strength in staying. It’s not for the faint of heart at all. There’s absolutely no shame in it. Those who leave aren’t the only ones who get to hold their head up high over their choice.
And I regret staying..but- as you say, everyone is different. I had no choice...if I had a choice, who knows. When your partner suddenly leaves with the OP, then we're to figure out why all of a sudden things turned. To this day, I was blind-sided and have to simply accept it. Yet- each has to decide and I understand all of the factors. Not easy at all. No children and I still pleaded- a BIG mistake. No more:)
Dispirited ( member #59226) posted at 7:07 AM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2019
No shame- the worst of emotions.When you tried you best, there is NO shame.The shame is on your partner....why? Because for a person to throw you elsewhere- when although imperfect, commitment seems to be a foreign word. i don't take off when things are not rosy. Yet, too many believe that their "issues'" will suddenly and miraculously be changed with another. Some like that "newness" because they don't understand that the newness wears off. And then, we have to realize reality.
I have seen others who felt that the newness was an elixir. It was not. So...then back to reality or keep going with the never-ending quest for that void in them self. And it never gets filled until they realize that their quest is fruitless.
This Topic is Archived
