SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

JT,

Ah, I hear your empathy and it reminds me of me. The problem there is we tend to give more and more chances when it’s time to move on and we make excuses for behavior that are their choices. I had dday 3. He seriously told me he believed during his A that I would never have the guts to leave. Holy crap, you know? Let’s save our love and empathy for those who deserve it. She knew what you would go through and chose to do it again. That’s the worst.

Focus on healing and your kids and a few years from now, I bet you’ll post that you are dating a lovely woman who appreciates you for who you are.

Dem

Be at peace with yourself. None of us was/ is the perfect partner. You went forward in good faith and gave the best of yourself. If she could not see beauty and love before her, it was nothing you could do to make her see. She had opportunities.

It requires a shift. A way of looking at people and the world. I remember the time that I began to see differently. It requires effort and practice. It's not the easy path unless you have practiced from childhood.

You can appreciate the good parts of her and what she gave. Yes, she gave hurt and betrayed trust and shows no sign of stopping. That is her great loss. You are going on to peace and growth. This is the next step in your life. I think you approach this loss with maturity, with sadness, not anger.

We can only wait so long for people to grow, if they refuse then we must go on. Your life and your progress are important. This is the time to think of what would build you up in your progress as a person. You will have extra time and energy to give. It's a valuable thing. You are gentle and understanding and patient. These are virtues. Just because someone takes advantage and lies does not make them weaknesses. The world need healing. We need virtues and people showing them. Humans cannot survive feasting on each other in a selfish way. We need teachers and guides.

It's sad and disappointing when people cling to selfishness and lies while claiming to seek love and happiness. Love and happiness can't be found along that path. We both hope she sees that eventually. You will show your kids where goodness lives. Great to have someone like you caring for many who fly under your care. I appreciate it.

I am so sorry you are here. False R is a special kind of hell that I'm glad most people don't seem to have to live through. Years ago my ex was a pilot (also international)and I know the stress and strain and loneliness all that time apart can create - it also (as you seem to know) is no excuse for cheating. The fault is all hers.

I also understand the desire to not think of your WW as a bad person - I can't seem to do that either on any regular basis with my WH. Mine is a mess. Yours is a mess. Neither of which you or I can fix or even assist in fixing.

It sounds like you are ready to go - force yourself to stay in that place as your resolve will likely be tested at one point or another.

"Your goal" should be to get out of infidelity and stop being her KISA, once you D she's not your problem anymore, and no she's NOT a good mother or a good person, she's a proven SERIAL CHEATER and a liar who risked the stability of her family and children from the get go and despite having been offered the gift of R multiple times, life's too short, she betrayed you several times in the worst possible way and exposed you to potentially life threatening STDs (btw you should get tested yet again). Get rid of her once and for all, you can be cordial and only talk to her about your son, you don't have to be her friend, that would only drag you to her issues, you should be the one to break the cycle once and for all. Good luck.

So sorry. I think you get it is for the best. When you see them repeat the same mistakes over and over again . . .it becomes less painful to not care about them anymore.

Mourn your M. Get everything lined up and start a new life keeping her out of it as much as possible. You will be happier in the long run.

Again, I know this is the "story," you wanted. We all have to learn to deal with that in our own way. Life not turning out like we expect it to.

Please be kind to yourself. Be good to your kids and help them grow and develop into healthy adults. It is all any of us can really do.

Remember to take care of yourself too.

The real pattern here is hopium. You keep hanging in there. Keep trying.

I did too. I had never heard of Npd. I have now researched it for a couple years. It’s mind blowing. It was hard to accept that the man I was married to for 36 years had played me the entire time. Our family was the mask. He needed a normal life cover , to hide his fun life.

To help get promotions. And family approval. Acceptance st church. The mask was amazing. Everyone believed he was the sweetest nicest person.

The length of time was amazing. I guess I provide that good image.

I didn’t realize what this was. I was working on the marriage I knew. I was working on R. I felt real love. I thought we were a real family. I was trying to save this.

I got nowhere until I realized he was Npd Game changer. And shock. He doesnt hide it now. He’s evil. He smirks. He thinks it’s very funny. Read. And read it over and over. They have several personalities.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 10:21 PM, December 27th (Friday)]