Hi Corazonroto,
I am sorry that you are having to deal with and I am glad you found us. This place saved my sanity.
We tend to offer our honest opinions, you might not like it, but we have all been where you are. Some longer than others, but the story is always the same. Be patient and listen to what is offered.
You didn't give much background but from what you said it means a lot.
Firstly, your birthday. They're an ass plain and simple.
Twenty, fifty or one year younger, it doesn't matter. Cheating is cheating.
The biggest thing you need to know is, THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.
It's hard to grasp that, and believe me I didn't want to at first. I looked for everything I did wrong but at the end of the day your partner made a series of choices that started them down the path to cheat. At any time they could have stopped and thought about you and their actions but they didn't.
They chose to do it to you.
You will read about 'affair fog', 'limerence' all the reasons why it happened, it up to you to decide but it comes down to before the fog came in, they decided to do it, the fog comes after and it was all choices.
What you do now is up to you. We can answer questions and give advice but you need to decide.
I am firmly in the "No second Chances" club. But its up to you.
You might decide to work it out and keep trying but in the back of your mind they will always be the one that broke your trust.
You are in shock right now and need to process. You need to stay calm and breath. You need to start trying to gather evidence of the affair before you confront them.
If you decide to confront them, you will get lied to, you will get blamed, it will be all your fault because you did this or that, its all bullshit and you need to know that going in.
Your partner betrayed you and your trust and they will lie their asses off to keep the focus off what they did.
Stay strong, take care of yourself, eat, drink lots of water, no alcohol, and find a therapists, they are referred to as IC's here.
Keep coming back and ask your questions, we will give you our opinion, if you decide to take them back, there are resources, if you decide to leave there are resources.
Go to the healing library and read everything. Search the internet and read everything. Read until you are sick of reading and keep reading.
Once the shock wears off and you decide what route you are going to take it will slowly start getting easier.
I am sorry you had this happen to you and it's the worse thing for anyone to have to deal with, but you have us now.
[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 5:03 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]