SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Each hug, 'hello', text, thought, etc, will fill up that baggage a little bit each time.

Sadly, I'm not there yet (although I try hard). The thoughts of her, lost hopes, plans and dreams keep coming back and I still have difficulty keeping them out of my head.

I'm now over 40, so finding someone new will be more difficult than for a 25 or 30-year-old.

In your replies on this thread Sceadugenga you have shown a degree of self awareness and a willingness to learn about what healthier relationships should look like.

Despite being over 40, trust me, you will be fine eventually finding new people to love and to love you when the time is right.

However in the meantime may I suggest maybe spend some time with yourself to be able to process the pain and trauma that the end of this relationship has caused you. Read up on the different types of attachment styles and where they originate from. There are some truly excellent books out there and of course there's YouTube.

I'm not saying this will happen to you but be aware this relationship could take a couple of years to fully recover from. Trauma affects individuals differently. The more sensitive you are I think the longer it might take.

You might want to search out work by Darlene Lancer, the book 'Attached' by Heller and Levene and maybe 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover.

Wishing you good luck in your journey. You may find the road a little rocky along the way my friend!

Best wishes.

Bro! Many members your age report not having enough time or energy to take advantage of all the offers!

There's a Betrayed Mens/z thread in the I Can Relate forum. I recommend you check it out. There used to be a requirement to bring drinks for everyone, but nobody realy cares if you do or don't.

Bro! Many members your age report not having enough time or energy to take advantage of all the offers!

Thanks for the support and kind words Brother! In my case, I think I'll have to take a step back from dating and relationships because not only was I betrayed, but there are signs that throughout my whole relationship I was in fact a being subjected to "narcissistic abuse". That, I suppose, takes a lot of time to heal. But things are beginning to look up so I have that going for me.

Go on to Quora if you want to learn more about Narcissistic abuse.

My brother, you were not married. Don't tie yourself to this anchor any longer. I know you've got some work to do in IC, but don't waste one more minute on this shit.

She was monkey branching on to someone else, someone she suspects might be a better partner. Just send her a text to come get her shit, and give her a couple of days. At the end of that timeline, donate or throw it all away. Keep moving forward with your IC and on your recovery. 10 yrs is a long time and you'll be reeling for awhile, but at least you don't have spousal payments or child support. Be glad at that.

10 yrs is a long time and you'll be reeling for awhile, but at least you don't have spousal payments or child support. Be glad at that.

Yep, in my "clearer" moments I do think what could have happened, had I married her a few years ago. Now I'd probably be dealing with a painful divorce, custody arrangements and such like. Or worse, I'd feel compelled to stick it out and attempt reconciliation, knowing full well that my SO betrayed me and there were chances she'd do it again. Now that I think of it, I hadn't been feeling good in this relationship for quite some time before it ended (as I pointed out, it may well have been a case of narcissistic abuse) and I dread at the idea of it continuing for years to come. I'm already quite battered and I can only imagine what could have happened if it continued for several years/decades more. I'm still dealing with emotional flashbacks of loneliness and missing my SO/abuser but it's probably the result of trauma bonding and they will go away one day/week at a time until they (hopefully) go away for good.

[This message edited by Sceadugenga at 2:23 AM, May 21st (Thursday)]