SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

yeah, you’ll wake up a bazillion times in the process. jealousy, anxiety, depression... don’t worry, you’re supposed to feel that. the good news is, it’ll go away. the bad news is, ya don’t really get to choose when. in the mean time, understand that it’s natural and try to set your feelings aside when you’re making decisions regarding this situation. support your kids and do the best you can to limit their exposure to the shit show. they’re a lot more resilient than you think

"...her dad has been in jail for exposing himself to people multiple times."

So she found and prefers a guy who's mentally similar to her dad. That's scarily consistent with psychological studies.

Please stay on the path to freedom. You can do much better than this woman. Force yourself to avoid picking the same personality type. If you see daddy issues in a woman, get away quickly. You have a great future ahead of you. Make the most of this gift you've been handed. Take care of yourself.

Well guys,

I have the retainer in hand and now just need to go pay the attorney! She says no attournys she will work with me but I would feel better just having one. I want my house back. its been 2 weeks since I moved out.

I am starting to realize how much I really enjoy being away from the women. I have blocked her from all my messaging accounts so she cannot cry and whine to me all day about the kids behavior, how sorry she is, how many pills to bring her (She now asks me for my prescription pills, i have this recorded.) or how this was my fault that she cheated.

My life is peaceful for right now. I get my kids 3 nights one week 4 the next. School starts soon as well. I am starting to realize that maybe I never really did love her. I mean I cared about her but did I love her? I know she couldn't have loved me if she did what she did. I mean, she went out and got bent over in the back of a truck! Twice! the second time he dumped her on the side of the road when she didn't give him gas money!!!!

Right now she is currently looking for an attorney for this guy...I found all of her sent emails saying "I am looking for a criminal defense lawyer for a "loved one" (lol) Not sure if this will help me with custody or not but I have it all.

Anyways my biggest concern now is custody and finical set back from divorce. But I cannot and will not let what may or may not happen in the future change my position on divorce. Its happening. This is real. She is going to be served soon

In the meantime I have been hanging with old friends, talking with some new girls, and just basically taking my old life back. What i missed out on. Kids come first. Now that she is out of the picture I feel like I can spend more personal time with them. Maybe take them fishing or biking.

I still have the anxiety of her with another man, but if I think about something else this is fleeting. I mean, its already happened once so how much worse could it be right?

I told her, I wont rub my new women in her face and she wont rub new men in mine. We'll see how far that goes.

Stay strong everyone.

Strength brother.

Remember some people go after married women with children. Groom the wife to get close to the children.

In the separation papers see if you can get included some sort of morality clause that no convicted sexual offenders or felons can cohabitate when the children are there. Protect your children.

One day at a time

Buffer

Right now she is currently looking for an attorney for this guy...I found all of her sent emails saying "I am looking for a criminal defense lawyer for a "loved one" (lol) Not sure if this will help me with custody or not but I have it all.

I mentioned this before, she could and will rack up thousands in attorneys fees with credit cards and or loans that you are on the hook for as well. Make sure you go to the attorney's office TODAY ! or ASAP to get the D ball rolling and have her served, time is of the essence.

hey subverted, i’m glad you have the ball rolling on the legal side. be open with your lawyer about your concerns with custody and her relationship choices with people your children will be exposed to, that’s important. they’ll point you the right way. otherwise, listen to me closely when i say this. your relationships with your children, your family and your friends will get much closer and become more valuable to you and them. there’s gonna be some stumbling blocks along the way. stop.. breathe, and handle them one at a time as they come. it takes a while to get settled in “your new normal”. keep looking through the windshield.. she’ll get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. it seems like a lot right now, but before you know it, you won’t care who she’s fuckin... you’ll just be glad she’s not your problem. trust me ✌🏻

I have the retainer in hand and now just need to go pay the attorney! She says no attournys she will work with me but I would feel better just having one.

Subverted, I am sure you can see how detached from reality your wife has become. That is why it is essential that you have an attorney doing this properly to protect you and the kids, because a verbal promise is not worth the paper it is not written on, and your wife does not seem like someone who honors her promises.

You need to cut as many legal ties as possible with her, particularly where finances and property are concerned.

You said recently that your wife told a friend that one of her 'jobs' was going to be selling dope for the same wonderful boyfriend who kicked her out of his truck because she wouldn't give him gas money.

If she is that far gone, how long is it going to be before selling dope develops into selling cocaine or heroin, or hiding guns, or transporting packages for people? The path she has embarked on leads to trouble, and maybe jail.

There is a saying about how you cannot negotiate with crazy. You also cannot negotiate or depend on irrational, and your wife seems hellbent on redefining the meaning of the word.

I am sorry if this sounds uncharitable, but she is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you and the kids need to be as protected and far away from that as possible.

Listen to Buster. She’s going to ruin you financially with her relationship with this guy. ACT NOW.

Hello all.

Ive acted. My lawyer will serve her today. He is going to also call her.

Yes, she is a train-wreck. and my lawyer made it very clear that people who are walking this path of depression and self destruction get worse before better. She very well could get herself into things that are unsafe for the children. And he made that a point.

We will see how she handles my offer and go from there.

Thanks everyone,

On my way to the high road now. I like the rear view mirror analogy

Way to go subverted. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. After my divorce I also started reconnecting with old friends; great times. The time with my kids is so much better than it was and the house is peaceful without the ex. Looking back I'm so glad that I took advantage of the window of opportunity to take my life back. It was painful at the time but with that gone, things are great.

I wish the best for you.

I am starting to realize that maybe I never really did love her. I mean I cared about her but did I love her?

In my younger years of dating I always picked guys to date that needed me. Like they had no future and no prospects and no one to help them but me. I confused love with charity cases.

Maybe you dud the same with her. You thought it was love b/c she needed you to survive and help her with her problems, her life etc.

It’s certainly a possibility.

subverted... are you good? is everything ok?

Hey yah,

Im good. I got the lawyer, got the papers notorized and ready to go.

Now....

I just have to actually fax them over. Im stalling. Second thoughts. I know i deserve someone better. Keep thinking I will never find anyone better. Keep thinking she will flaunt whatever she finds in my face.

She is sobbing everyday, texting me, telling me she so sorry, she cant move or do anything she is so depressed. Asking me to come see her everyday.....

I know I am going to go thru with this. I already dished out 3500 to the lawyer. I just need to do it.

I need to stay positive and think about the good things. Being single is very new to me. I already have a couple girls i'm talking to.....(nothing serious)

The other day we had parent teacher conferances at the school and I decided we can all ride together. (bad move) We went, she cried the whole way. After conferences I told her that I would like to keep the house. She got upset and said she is entitled to 50% of the equity. I said my lawyer seems to think differently. She threw a giant cup of water at me in the middle of the park, and then threw the giant glass at me.... I walked away calmly...called my lawyer and he basically said just stay cool and get me those papers. I also text him saying I was having second thoughts. He obviously said in this case he thinks the best thing to do is move forward with the divorce. And I agree.

I just have to muster up the courage to do so. She thinks that we will get a divorce and still get back together. Part of me hopes her AP gets out of jail and she can find out what kind of a person he is and what she lost.

The whole thing is crazy. I want to know how much I am going to have to pay her ass in CS and SS. And for how long. I know i will get at least 50 50 custody. I will have to find a daycare for my youngest. Adapting will be hard. Staying in that house with so many memories will be hard. But at least all of her shit will be gone.

She has not worked in 10 years. She is a felon. She will not find living on her own easy. For example, shes too good for mcdonalds....She says shes going to make youtube videos and sell weed.....Yah...I know... funny.

Not the women I married.

Right now independent moms making it work on their own are looking so attractive to me.

I was going to repeat what other more experienced and at the same time more dove-minded members often point out, i.e. that if R is in the cards for you it could happen after D if you so choose. You could possibly "demote" her to the position of FWB or live-in girlfriend. Not an arrangement I would personally encourage, but to each their own ...

But the above description of your wife clearly indicates that she's not only prone to outbursts of anger and physical violence, but she's also not the sharpest tool in the shed. Is it worth investing in such a person?

You look at what you are giving up. Money. Financial issues and having to pay her $.

But you are also giving up a lying cheater of a spouse who doesn’t contribute to your family emotionally or financially.

You can gain peace. You can gain the opportunity to be a better father b/c Miss “I Will Throw Away For A Jailbird” of a wife will no longer Impact you and have HER be your daily thought or focus.

No one wants to end up D. It is a painful experience and gut wrenching decision to make. But your children deserve better and you deserve better. One strong grounded parent can show children better options and the right way to live.

You need to change your perspective.

Just remember the old saying:

There is a reason why divorces are so expensive: they are worth it!!

I agree with all of you! I AM listening! I DO appreciate EVERYTHING!

just an opinion.... the cold feet is just the fear of the unknown. you want things to poof back into what they were before she showed you what they are, because that was where your comfort zone was. this isn’t supposed to be comfortable, it never is. as much as you want things to stay the same, they can’t now. i agree with one of the above posts about R after D. don’t forget about your leverage. if you were to put the skids down now and give her time to keep her nose clean for a while, the legal ball will move farther into her court. i don’t think you want this woman having more rights than you to make decisions for your kids. you’ve watched her make choices, right? given some time, i don’t think you’ll be interested in the R, but the D right now will lock down your rights to your children and your control over your finances. and in terms of whether or not you can do better, the bar is set pretty low right now. i think you’ll surprise yourself. what if you could do better and you don’t? what if better is actually nothing at all? i think once you get past hangin on to the past, and entertaining the idea that she’s not for you, you’re gonna be a lot happier than you can imagine right now. it’s ok to have feelings. just don’t let them make your decisions for you. use your rationality for that ✌🏻

She has not worked in 10 years. She is a felon. She will not find living on her own easy. For example, shes too good for mcdonalds....She says shes going to make youtube videos and sell weed.....Yah...I know... funny.

Listen you need to fax those documents TODAY !!!, your kids need at least a stable home and learn that "selling weed on youtube" is not only illegal in most places but not a good viable path for their future, before you know it, she could be selling meth or heroin too and your kids would likely see and have access to all that while with her.

Let's see:

1) she is in love with a felon who's also apredator and in currently in jail.

2) She's still looking to rack up thousands of dollars to pay for his defense attorneys, putting your credit and finances at risk (maybe part if not all of her equity in the house will be wasted on that).

3) She's light years from being remorseful.

4) She's still lying to you.

5) Other than "sobbing" and feeling sorry for herself she has NOT done anything to change the situation.

6) She opened an account in jail to communicate with her boyfriend, she doesn't even work, so she's going to pay for it with your money.

8) She obviously does NOT respect you or the family.

9) To top it off she now throws a big cup of water at you in a public park, I'm sure i'm missing many other things.

And you're STILL HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ? what else does she need to do for you to ACT and do the ONLY logical option you have right now ? Send that fax today, do it for you, do it for your children.

just an opinion.... the cold feet is just the fear of the unknown. you want things to poof back into what they were before she showed you what they are, because that was where your comfort zone was. this isn’t supposed to be comfortable, it never is. as much as you want things to stay the same, they can’t now. i agree with one of the above posts about R after D. don’t forget about your leverage. if you were to put the skids down now and give her time to keep her nose clean for a while, the legal ball will move farther into her court. i don’t think you want this woman having more rights than you to make decisions for your kids. you’ve watched her make choices, right? given some time, i don’t think you’ll be interested in the R, but the D right now will lock down your rights to your children and your control over your finances. and in terms of whether or not you can do better, the bar is set pretty low right now. i think you’ll surprise yourself. what if you could do better and you don’t? what if better is actually nothing at all? i think once you get past hangin on to the past, and entertaining the idea that she’s not for you, you’re gonna be a lot happier than you can imagine right now. it’s ok to have feelings. just don’t let them make your decisions for you. use your rationality for that ✌🏻

This....just took me out of my wallowing depression of almost giving in and going to see her. Thank you so much. You made my day.