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I'm going to take a different approach on this one based on what getgo has posted, logic suggests he's got enough to tell OBS, all logic suggests confrontation at the hotel is risky (and I don't recommend it), but I understand that for some people the risk is worth it. For getgo the "satisfaction" of confronting them at the hotel (which is a somewhat "controlled" environment) and knowing he "caught them" could mean much more to him in the long run than a few years of alimony that may happen anyway and regardless of confrontation.

Just the look on her face could be "priceless" to him (especially if videotaped), in fact it could become "leverage" during the D negotiations, that's why I suggested that despite my suggestion to not do it, that if he still wanted to go that route to take a trusted friend with him in an effort to try to keep things "under control" and/or a PI to document the whole thing.

If done properly and regarless of state laws (no fault state), footage of a WW going in and out of a hotel with her AP/lover could prove very "persuasive" when it comes to D negotiations if it comes to that.

To me, if cheating wife doesn't deny affair in court process, no one is going to have any interest in the details. Maybe hotel costs? Or other affair related costs if you can prove it? I can't see it matters whether they did it in the car, the hotel, the office, the butt, or whatever.

However, if you are suggesting this video be used as blackmail, that's a whole other discussion he should have with his attorney.

"Blackmail" is very difficult to prove, all his WW needs to know is that the footage exists, and as part of the D negotiations (again if it comes to that) getgo could offer to keep the A and D info confidential (he doesn't have to) to get a better deal, I'm pretty sure WW would not want that footage and other details floating out there and family and friends talking about it much less watching the whole scene themselves on video. Again cheaters lie a lot but she won't be able to deny the A to anyone (it would be much more difficult) if she knows she was caught on video.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 3:25 PM, July 20th (Monday)]

People here have written about confronting the cheaters at the hotel and it seems to have been Very effective, mainly because the betrayed spouse were never going to take the cheater back. They generally seemed to be part of a

Scorched earth practice, where you instantly blow up LaLaLand and have them scurrying to try and save their comfortable life. AND might Help you in your healing

The only time I can think of when a hotel confrontation didn’t work was when a betrayed husband showed up and begged her not to do it.

Strength always wins!

Begging and pleading (weakness) NEVER wins!!!

Good luck!!!

Stay strong!!!!

And do what is best FOR YOU!!

(A hotel confrontation where she gets served and resulting chaos might be EXTREMELY therapeutic for you.

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 10:54 PM, July 20th (Monday)]

A confrontation in the parking lot or within the hotel could very easily blow up on the OP. Not sure why anyone would want to advise this kind of theatrics. There are a lot of variables and you could just as easily wind up in jail or the hospital as you could feeling satisfied that you had blown up their world.

getgo - you know what's going on. Why not just move on with getting out of this state?

My advice:

You hire a PI, they shouldn't cost you a lot, you already did most of the work, all they need to do is take photos and videos of the hookup with clear face and cars, basically you are hiring their equipment, you can call and ask, there are plenty with different prices, and they will tell you how much it will cost, it will be fast and easy job for them.

Or

You do that your self.

In either case, don't confront them, there is no need to do so, just get the proof for the AP's wife.

Now when you get it, you can basically time the serving of the divorce papers at the hotel hookup and at the same time exposing to AP's wife, it's your call.

What I would do after getting the proof, I would just contact the AP's wife give her the proof and tell her I might expose them to work so they get fired (scare tactic nothing more you need your WW to hold her job) and sit and watch the fire works!

And of course file for divorce and serve her at work!

The point is to make you get out of this hell as quickly as possible and move on with your life!

You can also show your wife's mother the proof if you think that will add benefit to your case.

We want to help you, we are not drama or thrill seekers!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 10:38 AM, July 22nd (Wednesday)]

Brother, how much information do you need. It isn’t on beyond reasonable doubt, but the balance of probability.

You are hurting yourself. Just file D. BR is correct.

One day at a time.

Buffer

How are you doing?

It sounds like you are building a strong case to nuke this A.

Make a plan and work YOUR plan.

getgo don't confront in the parking lot. You don't need to. If you absolutely want to get more dirt, then snap a couple pics of them coming out of the lobby, but don't engage them. You don't know anything about this guy. He could be an advanced MMA fighter who could wipe your as all over the sidewalk. He could be armed. It isn't worth it.

Let the OBS gather her own info.

Just want to give an update. I needed to confirm a few things to tie in all my evidence. I confirmed the car that I followed home is the same car parked at the hotel these cheaters visit.

We did have one session with a marriage counselor and my wife agreed to end her affair to save our marriage.It doesn't seem sincere to me and from listening to all the advice on this site I know it's just a shallow cheater response.

I reached out to the OM wife through her business website. I posed as a client interested in her services. She responded today asking if Monday was a good time to speak. I will be calling her on Monday to expose her dirt bag husband but in the most gentle kindest way possible. I hope to meet her at some point to talk to her in person about our spouses and what will happen going forward as we will both then have the control.

GetGo,

Just want to give an update. I needed to confirm a few things to tie in all my evidence. I confirmed the car that I followed home is the same car parked at the hotel these cheaters visit.

We did have one session with a marriage counselor and my wife agreed to end her affair to save our marriage.It doesn't seem sincere to me and from listening to all the advice on this site I know it's just a shallow cheater response.

I reached out to the OM wife through her business website. I posed as a client interested in her services. She responded today asking if Monday was a good time to speak. I will be calling her on Monday to expose her dirt bag husband but in the most gentle kindest way possible. I hope to meet her at some point to talk to her in person about our spouses and what will happen going forward as we will both then have the control.

Great news! I suspect that when you two blow up their affair, they won't know what hit them. AP will very likely 'try to save his marriage'. Contact a lawyer and have D papers drawn up. You, as others have said, you don't have to file, but having them available will be more of a help, than not.

I reached out to the OM wife through her business website. I posed as a client interested in her services. She responded today asking if Monday was a good time to speak. I will be calling her on Monday to expose her dirt bag husband but in the most gentle kindest way possible. I hope to meet her at some point to talk to her in person about our spouses and what will happen going forward as we will both then have the control.

This is excelent, also I agree that the fact that she had to to to MC to agree to end it with her boyfriend doesn't seem genuine (it's NOT!), also remember that she needs to be remorseful for a successful R to be possible so after you tell OBS finish the job and expose your WW with ALL family and close friends without warning, like I always say, FULL EXPOSURE typically kills the "beautiful, exciting and romantic" aspect of the A and replaces it with pure shame and embarrassment, that helps a lot with remorse, the more she hates the A the more she will hate POSOM and the less likely she will be to cheat again in the future.

You went to MC after seeing the car at the hotel. You know what is best for you. Looks like you want to repair the marriage. Make sure WW is genuinely interested in the same otherwise your suffering will linger and healing will be delayed. Regardless keep your head up and conduct yourself productively and positively. It look good in everyone's eyes.

Apologize to OBS first for appearing as a customer saying this is the only way you were able o reach her.

[This message edited by goalong at 1:52 PM, July 25th (Saturday)]

GG, expect fireworks after you call OBS tomorrow. If your WW really has cut off contact with OM and ended the A, she will be unaware of what's happening but since that is HIGHLY UNLIKELY, she will be the first person OM turns to and she will likely be angry at YOU for blowing up the OM's world. Happens all the time here. Don't say a word to her about what's happening and let her come to you about OBS.

There will be no easy way to tell her that her husband is cheating on her. Just know that it is more humane to tell her the truth than to leave her in the dark.

Let her go and quit keeping yourself in limbo. That’s all you’re accomplishing chasing a cheater.

So I finally called the OM spouse. Yes they are married and have 2 kids.She sounds like a tough girl. She was very angry and wanted to call her husband to confront him immediately. I suggested she think it through and then confront him face to face. She said they have a summer vacation planned next week with extended families and kids so wasn't sure of timing for confronting.

It's been a couple days now that she knows but not sure she confronted yet because my wife has said nothing.

If the OBS is smart, she won't reveal her sources. So even if your wife knows about a confrontation she might not say anything to you about it at all.

Your WW could be playing her cards close to her vest to see if she gets dumped and, if she does, then come crying back to you about how sorry she is to save her own cushy, married spot.