SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Getgo...

I am sorry you are feeling the way you do... If this means anything...

a real man is not measured by his money, friends or sexual prowess... but rather integrity, honesty and honor. all of which you have. You will hold your head high soon enough and will taste victory in other ways. Let her have the POS. A new broom always sweeps clean until the bristles wear away.

GetGo - I got the same lip service from my MIL and FIL. When you are not around, you WW is going to tell them an entirely different story. One that paints you as not a very good husband. She doesn't need to trash you to get her Mom and Dad to side with her. I did the same thing, thinking maybe MIL and FIL would possibly talk some sense into my WW. Truth is, blood is thick than water 99% of the time. Even if you have a good relationship with the inlaws, at the end of the day that is their daughter. They might be respectful to you, and even love you as a good son in law, but they will have to take on their daughters side for the long haul.

You'd be wise to listen to the people on here. Your WW is lost, and you should implement the 180 and start preparing yourself for D. You have a wife that doesn't want to stop her affair, and you gave it the good college try. Its time to look at your situation and realize that you cannot control her as an adult. She wants another man, and you cannot be a husband to a women who is in love with another man.

Until your wife changes her tune, you have no other choice but to D. If you don't you'll continue to look weak in her eyes, and there is no chance of R, or respect coming back to you from her. 180 and talk to an attorney now. Good luck.

A very good day for me today. I waited for the guy to drop my wife off at their regular meeting spot. I then followed him for 30 miles to his house. As he pulled into the driveway I took note of the address.He probably knows he was being followed but I really don't care. I even got a good look at his face in his side view mirror as I was behind him.

When I got home I did my research on google and other sites and got full contact info. I also saw his picture online and it matches what I saw of him in his mirror. It turns out he is married with 3 kids. Sounds like a lot for him to lose. I also have his wife's info including a picture of her and phone number.

I have to think how I want to handle this but will most likely contact her. It may sound strange but I feel so pumped knowing all this info. There is not much now I don't know about this whole affair and that gives me sound mind going forward.

Don’t hesitate to contact his wife. She needs to know so she has agency about her own life.

You should do it soon. If the OM knows you’re onto him he will try to spin a story for his wife in advance.

We’ve seen it all before. Shock and awe exposure is your best bet.

You should do it soon. If the OM knows you’re onto him he will try to spin a story for his wife in advance.

Yup, it goes like this: Honey a man was following me, I think he is a husband of one of our company employees and he has mental issues and problems with his wife, he thinks every one is having an affair with his wife... can you believe that?!!!

Don't waste time, you can tell her and offer her the dropping spot info as proof of the affair may be she wants to confront them (that would be the best outcome tbh)!

Any messages you have about the affair forward it to her.

Good luck, you got this

[This message edited by Kaliber at 10:29 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

WW may ask or show signs of knowing if he did notice you and told her.

Get a friend/relative to help you in your checking/following

I will love them as much as I can but may not be able to provide as well as the parents in their new life.

Money is not everything. Now that POS is married it will not be a walk in the rose garden. Hiding in the dark is exciting but when they have to face the reality it is another story.

Do your other things like progressing in your job even better. It is the best response. Keeping the head up in face of adversity is sexy

[This message edited by goalong at 10:19 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Hopefully your will blow up their affair, if that happens, you need to show her consequences:

- File for divorce even if you don't want to so she knows you mean business, you can stop it later.

- DNA your kids even if you know they are %100 yours, it's just to show her the extant of her infidelity and the broken trust so she sees the true reality of her betrayal.

- 180 fully on her.

- Work on your self, job, going out and coming late happy and smiling, go to the gym, groom your self for future dating even if you are not planing to just to show her you are moving on and don't need her to be happy in life!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 10:23 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

She went into a rage and would not answer anything unless I told her what and how I knew

I think it has been mentioned before but can’t remember on this thread if you took action to get at least one VAR for yourself to carry around with you in your pocket. This is pretty critical as protection for you.

We’ve seen far too many WW’s foment false domestic violence charges against their betrayed husbands. Don’t think it won’t happen. There’s a thread on here where a BH is dealing with precisely this scenario right now currently in real time — after he was warned Repeatedly.

VARs are cheap and easy to get. A Sony model at Bestbuy is available. You want to make sure the display Light is deactivated And you will want to put in a pair of headphones and clip them off to prevent audible playback. You can buy industrial strength Velcro at walmart to secure them.

If you feel you need them, you might also get a VAR to put in her car and also one somewhere in the house where does her makeup. Women have a habit of talking on their cell phones in the morning while they are doing their makeup.

This just helps you stay one step ahead of her especially since the affair is likely to go underground and she’s going to start getting more desperate once you have blown things up.

I know this all sounds insane. It isn’t. it’s just part of the shitshow of infidelity. Many of us have been almost exactly right where you are right now.

[This message edited by Thumos at 11:05 PM, July 17th (Friday)]

Now you can arrange to have both divorce papers and an information pack delivered on the same day...shock and awe!

Brother time to tell all, the other mans betrayed spouse, your family and friend also. Children are a different story. Tell them mum hurt daddy and that you will always be there for them!

Hard 180 with WW, text only and always have a VAR on you for her lies.

Be carful with HR, as it may led to her termination and that may have an affect on alimony. Can you go for primary custody of your beautiful children? So she can pay child support. With her in a high role at her work, she may not be able to comfortably care for the daily child care responsibilities.

Exercise and no booze for you

One day at a time

Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 8:42 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]

Getgo,

When you tell the OBS, (thank you for that), she will ask for proof, if she doesn’t already knows. If she does know, she will give you more information and bring you more clarity.

After reading hundreds of stories, I can tell you that this step is almost always positive, and not because of revenge.

Your WW will most likely get angry and blame you for destroying her BF marriage. Keep in mind that it’s their cheating destroying both families, not you. Those were their choices, their decisions. They need to own them

It is possible that the OBS will dump your WW. If that happens, at that particular moment, you will be plan B, and try to think how you will react to that.

In the face of you WW raging and screaming, always stay calm and in control. If you feel particularly angry, post here instead, we can take it

The same story happens again and again and again. Some WW, when losing control of their fantasy, file false DV charges. We don’t want that to happen to you.

I wish you strength. You will get through this! Post often.

getgo,

Given how much you now know about the affair and their 'routine', it would be possible for you to 'hold fire' for a couple of weeks and hire a PI to document things with irrefutable evidence.

Evidence from an independent third party will make it impossible for your wife to claim that you are lying and that nothing was going on.

As others have said, getgo, get a couple VARs. Keep one on yourself at all times. Figure out where you're going to plant the other one to collect more "evidence".

There's another poster here in JFO that didn't listen about getting the VARs and he was hauled off to jail with a DV. It's probably going to turn out alright for him but it adds a whole lot of drama and trauma to a situation already overburdened with drama and trauma.

Don't think your WW won't do it. She's already proven she does not have any regard for you. Cornered animals can be vicious. Please listen and protect yourself. A DV can affect the contact you have with your children. False DV charges are way to common to be considered a one off. Most of those charged probably thought their spouse would never do that. She has the anger and vindictiveness to do exactly that.

I'm glad you heeded the advice and follow POSOM to his house, now go for the kill and EXPOSE him with OBS without warning. Give her as much detail as you have including of course your ww's name, then watch their reaction, don't be surprise if POSOM dumps your WW on the spot in an effort to save his own M, but it could also go deeper underground.

"I have to think how I want to handle this but will most likely contact her."

Secure the divorce as soon as possible. Your chances at being rid of her are better before the reality sets in for her!

Feel free to blast it all open once she signs the papers.

What happens if I contact the wife of the OM and it turns out they are separated, divorced already or agreed to open relationships? Would this be a potential backfire for me? The wife may laugh and say "tell me something I don't know".

What happens if I contact the wife of the OM and it turns out they are separated, divorced already or agreed to open relationships? Would this be a potential backfire for me? The wife may laugh and say "tell me something I don't know".

It doesn't matter at all how she reacts. You do this as a kindness and because it is the right thing to do. If, for whatever reason, she doesn't care then that is her decision. You can't control that. You just have a clear conscience. You are not telling her to accomplish anything other than being a good human being.

If it turns out the OBS already knows about the A and doesn’t care, or if she is already separated or divorced from the AP, it doesn’t matter. You will have done the correct thing. That’s all that matters. Don’t worry about your WW’s reaction to any of your exposure of her actions. She brought this on herself. If she lashes out or is hurtful, it just shows what a pathetic person she is. In general cheaters hate consequences for their actions. Do the correct thing.

What happens if I contact the wife of the OM and it turns out they are separated, divorced already or agreed to open relationships? Would this be a potential backfire for me? The wife may laugh and say "tell me something I don't know".

Don't worry about that, there's a reason As are kept hidden, just EXPOSE them with OBS TONIGHT, most likely OBS does not know and if she does then you don't lose anything, in fact she could even give you more info, but in the overwhelming majority of cases OBS does NOT know and the POSOM will most likely dump your WW like a bad habit in an effort to save his own M.

I want to be sure that my evidence is strong enough. I have seen the car that drops my wife off at her car on more than one occasion. I have been using a VAR for weeks that recorded several phone conversations. I can only hear my wife speaking though. There is always I love you's said in conversation but also talk of reserving a hotel for same day each week. I also hear drunk conversation as he was at her car saying good bye and sound of kissing. It's enough proof for me but not sure if enough for the OM wife?

Maybe if she recognizes his drunk voice. One thing is apparent. Even though I cant here his voice it is obvious that he is feverishly telling her not to get close to me or work on things as I can tell by her responses agreeing. He does most of the talking with her saying uh huh most of the time like she is under his spell. She also sits on the couch in a paralyzed state eagerly waiting for the next text. The phone never leaves her hand and she is communicating with him night and day but takes a car ride to speak by phone.

She still handles her responsibilities in the house and with the kids but her mind is in a different place and the kids really sense it.