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To clarify - she mentioned his fb post. It was from 2 or 3 days ago and did mention he was having a rough go. I am not defending her. Just clarifying. She did not inform me of the intent to reach out to him.

We both have friends of the opposite sex. We do not meet with them alone . Ever. This guy is a work friend. Met him once when they had a birthday party for another of their co workers. Seemed like an ok guy tbh ableit probably has a drinking problem. Judging by his dismissive reply (I appreciate your concern or something innocuous) I don't think he has any interest whatsoever. 1 of his replies described what's happening with him and the other 2 were the one above and "ok ok " when she said she was serious that if he needed to talk to someone blah blah blah.....

I'm sorry you're back.

After all your 'talks' following the EA she should be very very aware of boundaries and avoiding any hint of suspicious activity.

Is her fetish interest driving her behavior?

Maybe she just can't handle social media and the temptations.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 7:30 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]

To clarify - she mentioned his fb post. It was from 2 or 3 days ago and did mention he was having a rough go. I am not defending her. Just clarifying. She did not inform me of the intent to reach out to him.

I don't think it matters that she mentioned the FB post. The problem isn't that she browses FB. The problem is that she's okay crossing EA boundaries and not telling you about it. In fact, it's worse to me that she told you about the post but didn't tell you about messaging him. Looks even more deliberate on her part.

One thing you need to remember is that when someone is interested in another person they can’t help but talk about them. She had to bring his name up to you.

Not fetish driven. Dude has legit problems. They should not be my problem. They are not our business. He has friends, let them handle it.

There is no other evidence of impropriety that I can find at the moment. I am sitting on it until I talk to the lawyer. Will update. Sorry for the shortness but she's a foot away from me.

Agree. This is a second chance to get out. Take it. You are perfectly justified.

Got nailed checking phone. It's on like Donkey Kong

Game Over.

You know what to do.

She's upset? Don't you have a right to still check when you want to only 2 years out? If she's angry, it's because there's something she doesn't want you to find.

She wasn't upset. Told her not to even bother arguing. Said she needs to speak to her counselor immediately regarding her boundary issues. Lawyer consult tomorrow. Focused. It's my way or the highway.

Told her not to even bother arguing. Said she needs to speak to her counselor immediately regarding her boundary issues.

Whats there to argue about?. She just got caught basically making a date with another man. And you had to tell her to make an immediate appointment. Or did she say that???

It's the highway and only the highway.

You don't have to give chances or be reasonable. You didn't even have to do it the first time.

She was lucky you gave her the gift of reconciliation. Now she shits on it.

No. I told her. She said very little other than trying to say she was just trying to help. I said that is how A's start so you need to talk to your counselor immediately. Lawyer tomorrow.

I’m sorry this is happening, it’s a wake up call, for me. There is zero tolerance for any hidden communication. You are doing the right thing, my W and I discuss this all the time, there will be no confusion on what is considered a boundary violation. Best wishes to you.

[This message edited by Tanner at 11:03 PM, July 20th (Monday)]

Did you hear anything on the VAR?

I’m sorry this is happening, it’s a wake up call, for me. There is zero tolerance for any hidden communication

Thanks. Funny thing is, it wasn't even hidden. If I had been checking her phone on the regular ( I hadn't felt the need to in months ) I probably would have found it minutes after she sent it.

Lawyer postponed. I'm off next week so my schedule is wide open. Probably go fishing with the kids every day Just gonna get my crap in order. I'm not ok with what she did, but I'm ok with me. I'll be ok on the other side of this.

That’s one thing our WS’s need to understand. Dday 1 most of us are caught off guard. We don’t know what to do. We come to SI gain knowledge and power, rebuild ourselves. Any future Dday is handled much different, I don’t think most of them realize it.

Did you hear anything on the VAR?

Nah, she hasn't gone anywhere without me since this went down. I don't know if I'll even bother listening to it. I don't really give a crap at this point. It's there though.

Dday 1 most of us are caught off guard

Oh man, if you had seen me that night.... I paced a hole in a hardwood floor I was like a caged tiger walking back and forth while her friend tried to talk to her. Next day wasn't a helluva lot better.

As much as we try to not think about it, it's always there. Lurking. A lot of our lives would be a lot easier if we had gone Hiroshima from DDay 1 and never looked back.

There was one brief conversation yesterday. In the car. I alluded to the fact that since we decided to fix things I had tried to do things differently and I could tell that she had as well. I though things had really improved. No response. She really thinks that she didn't do anything wrong.

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:55 PM, August 6th (Thursday)]

She really thinks that she didn't do anything wrong.

This has caused me to remind my W that any interaction with a man has to be disclosed immediately. She is a personal trainer so creeps reach out on SM all the time. She lets me have fun with them