SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When I first joined SI there was a lady who’s husband did try to come back, but it was after he went to IC for a year, gave her space, let her D him, he gave her everything in the D to support his children, etc, etc. If my xh tried to come back-without doing the work-it would have sent a big signal to me that he was still f****d up, and getting back together would have been a disaster. And I knew my kids especially, and I could not have handled another Dday and the fallout.

Keep this in mind, bc in my opinion, a WW and AP are 2 messed up people, not interested in getting mental help, and they implode at some point.

Shields up and post here BEFORE you have any conversations with her. The people on SI are truly knowledgeable and supportive.

You’ve got this.

I think that in the depths of despair over finding out there was infidelity and/or your partner doesn't love you anymore it is hard to see a good side.

WhatiKnowNow, that is absolutely true. That was one of the biggest mind-f@#$s at the time and never thought she would step outside the M. Our love for each other had been slipping over the years and it was becoming toxic now that I look back on it. The good thing about this whole ordeal is that I will never settle again and always value myself above all others.

But there is. You can start over. It sounds daunting and it is, but it is not near as bad as the alternative or near as bad as you think it will be.

I don't think it will be that bad either. Both of us were at a point in the M where it was practically over for the last 3-4 years. Looking at the alternatives, this was actually a blessing in disguise since it gave me a way out that I had been contemplating for years. We were both unhappy.

Right now, I'm excited and terrified about getting back into the game after 20+ years. There is a feeling that my one is out there looking for me also. Just have to seize the opportunity and put myself out there.

When my marriage ended it was very painful, but after a time I realized I wasn't happy or fulfilled in the marriage either, and maybe I could do better.

After the initial DDay it was kind of like that but looking back on it now I can see the red flags all over the M. It was only a matter of time before one of us stepped outside the M. Both of us were not fulfilling each other and it had been that way for years. She just gave me an out.

Shields up and post here BEFORE you have any conversations with her. The people on SI are truly knowledgeable and supportive.

Will absolutely a thousand percent do this but my fears may be unsubstantiated. Think my heart is still trying to hold on to WW when every other part of my body has parted ways. I'll have to keep a list close by whenever I start thinking about her. All the lies, gaslighting and manipulation she did should quell those thoughts immediately . The best revenge I could ever have on her would be to move on with my life and become even more successful and have someone that truly loves me.

Your head is in the right place. Mine finally is too. It took me a really, really long time to get here though.

I wish it would have happened sooner. But it is a blessing to be here. Finally Free is exactly right.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 7:45 PM, August 29th, 2020 (Saturday)]

Your head is in the right place. Mine finally is too. It took me a really, really long time to get here though.

It took me a little bit IMS to get rid of the rose-colored glasses to get to this point and a lot of help from this community. Right now, in true SI fashion, I wish WW nothing but the best.

Cheers to that. I wish my stbxw the best as well.

Was having a pretty good day Monday until WW decided she wanted to call. Knew that it wasn't a good idea to answer but we are no contact except for kids, finances and S/D, figured it had to be one of the three. NC was going so good and then she has to call about some stupid shit with DD16 and her doing what 16yo girls do, messing with boys because it came through WW texts. Was doing so well and she comes back into my head . WTF and she's back in my head again????!!!!!??? I've been trying to push her out of my head again and resolved going forward will only speak through text or email. Would rather go that route because it is a written record and has a timestamp. I do not want to hear her voice again!! Trying not to beat myself up over this by allowing her to have space rent free in my head, but damn!!

Don't beat yourself up. She suckered you in. It's going to happen, nothing you can do. Just blow it off and move forward.

If it makes you feel better, my STBXWW does it too. She'll lure me in with some trumped up talk about something our daughter did and then she'll try to segue into small talk. I just say "Okay, thanks for the info...bye." and hang up on her.

Westway, thanks for the insight. Thought about that after the phone call and its BS to begin with but would not allow her to draw me into small talk. She has never been concerned about DD16 in the past. She's showing off for POSOM and the whole concerned mother thing to make herself look important.

By the way have you changed all the exterior door locks yet?

To quote WC Fields " See ya around, Blimpey Pie".

By the way have you changed all the exterior door locks yet?

I have the request put in with the landlord to come out and do so. They won't let me change them out.

Don't accept anymore phone/cell calls. Contact only thru text....period.

Tempocontour, after what the WW pulled last week its only texts from this point forward. That way she can't reside in my head.

I’m sorry. I hope you are not offended. Somebody mentioned monkey branching. I got an immediate mental picture of her grabbing a branch, it snapping, and her 400 pound ass hitting all the leaves and stickers and with luck maybe a cobra waiting for her used ass. I can’t help it but it would serve her right. Or maybe a hungry tiger who is looking for some well marbled meat for dinner. Sorry. Too much wine but I can’t stop laughing.

Keep it up. You are doing great. And just think. You were only one list away!

Brother, in with anger, out with love. Breath and repeat!

You don’t have time to let that nagging voice in your head, DD and DS need your attention.

Oh and a new...

One day and rejoice at a time.

I always waited a day or 2 to respond to XWH texts. Made him think I was too busy for him. 👍

I always waited a day or 2 to respond to XWH texts.

Need to start doing this and stop responding quickly here. I guess it's a work in progress, learning as I go. She doesn't call me anymore but it will usually go a week before she starts bugging me again for some inane BS. DD16 is bringing up that WW is calling her but I tell her that's nice and carry on about the day. Really do not care what she is doing. DD will usually bring it up as we are having dinner. Trying to commit to NC and I'm doing really well with it but she is driving me crazy with all this petty BS.

Congratulations!

Trying to commit to NC and I'm doing really well with it but she is driving me crazy with all this petty BS.

Your former wife is doing this with purpose. She is attempting to exercise whatever little control she has left over your life. She has no intention of letting you move on happily without her.

"She has never been concerned about DD16 in the past. She's showing off for POSOM and the whole concerned mother thing to make herself look important."

Your ex wife is not showing off. Why would her AP care? Affairs are about sex and forbidden liaisons. Cheaters don't really give a shit about parenting skills, just excitement and getting laid. If her AP had any character or morals he wouldn't be with your wife. She is doing what she is doing as a means of attempting to influence or control you. Your wife has no reason to reach out to you so an excuse/petty bullshit reason is required to justify the need to contact you. She is doing so because she wants to. She will never accept that you are moving on. These are just the opening acts by the way. Down the road if you happen to find a woman to replace your exwife, you can expect all of your ex wife's foolishness to intensify in frequency and nature.

[This message edited by smolderingdark at 4:45 AM, September 11th (Friday)]