SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Westway nailed it straight with this one:

She knows it would take years to make things up to you. She knows that she doesn't have the strength of will or strength of character to spend years helping someone heal from her bad decisions, so she is not even going to try.

She also knows that even if she does everything to help you heal, you may still leave her in the end, so she just says to herself it is a risk she is not willing to take.

She also knows that for years she will be under the scrutiny of both you and her extended family. F*ck that.

She also knows that deep down she doesn't love or respect you enough to put in the hard work to keep you.

And pride. Her pride won't let her admit she's in the wrong.

So that is why she was finished before she even started. She would rather blame it all on you and bail.

I believe this to be very accurately how I would see my marriage ended and they behavior of the exWW. I have someone I know going thru something similar to this. Its prevalent, but not the anecdotes, those all seem to be the same. Be glad she is gone and you have no kids. YOu can ghost her once the papers are signed.

I can tell you that im more than 3.5yrs out from my DDay, and I'm fully divorced and I still want to puke when I see the ex now. There is no undoing what they did, and what they do after they get caught. In your case, it all ended pretty quickly, so you didn't get months and yrs of TT like many of the other folks here. You are in far better shape, and you'll be happy again. I am in a very good place right now with my life, kids and new GF. No one want to have to eat this shit sandwich, but now that you're here, wrap up that D and move past it. Life will look up again, and there are many members here who can assure you of that.

Well so sorry for this. Just keep to your plan. Block her calls. Hopefully she will wake up from unicorn land soon.

Just strength to you and respect ✊ yourself.

One day at a time.

Well so sorry for this. Just keep to your plan. Block her calls. Hopefully she will wake up from unicorn land soon.

Just strength to you and respect ✊ yourself.

One day at a time.

Thanks for your reply. She thinks she’s doing what’s “best” for her and not everyone will understand.

Racer, your D can be finalized at your hearing next week? Wow. That's fast. Which means cheap and hopefully on good terms for you. I hope things go smoothly. I think you will have a bright future. You can go find someone deserving of you.

Racer, your D can be finalized at your hearing next week? Wow. That's fast. Which means cheap and hopefully on good terms for you. I hope things go smoothly. I think you will have a bright future. You can go find someone deserving of you.

Yes as long as we can agree on things, it would be final next week yes.

Well the divorce was final today. She agreed to take a little more money but I keep the house, no spousal support and nothing from our retirement accounts. It was rather quick in the courtroom then we walked to our cars together and she said “if you ever need anything you let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips). 🤯 that was all

I’ll bet she’s calling you “needing” something long before you call her.

When her life crumbles around her she’ll be looking to you for comfort and who knows what else.

I just hope you don’t answer her call.

I’ll bet she’s calling you “needing” something long before you call her.

When her life crumbles around her she’ll be looking to you for comfort and who knows what else.

I just hope you don’t answer her call.

LOL who knows. She was trying to get half the house and spousal support but changed her mind

She thinks she’s with Mr. Perfect now who she met a few months ago 😂

[This message edited by Nhraracer at 5:36 PM, November 23rd (Monday)]

Well the divorce was final today. She agreed to take a little more money but I keep the house, no spousal support and nothing from our retirement accounts. It was rather quick in the courtroom then we walked to our cars together and she said “if you ever need anything you let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips). 🤯 that was all

How typical a manipulator to the end. A hug and a kiss. Completely inappropriate considering all she has done.

Congratulations on the divorce and getting a favorable settlement. No doubt she is deep in the affair fog to be so agreeable. Take the opportunity to change the locks at your residence.

Would recommend politely parting ways with her family. They are no longer your family. If she has a child with her AP or they formalize their own union you will be out of the picture anyway.

Block and ignore any further attempted communication from your former wife. You will not benefit in anyway by engaging her. Not even to tell her she is no longer your problem. Leave her to twist in the wind when her current fantasy implodes.

All the best going forward.

[This message edited by smolderingdark at 6:02 AM, November 25th (Wednesday)]

How typical a manipulator to the end. A hug and a kiss. Completely inappropriate considering all she has done.

Congratulations on the divorce and getting a favorable settlement. No doubt she is deep in the affair fog to be so agreeable. Take the opportunity to change the locks at your residence.

Would recommend politely parting ways with her family. They are no longer your family. If she has a child with her AP or they formalize their own union you will be out of the picture anyway.

Block and ignore any further attempted communication from your former wife. You will not benefit in anyway by engaging her. Not even to tell her she is no longer your problem. Leave her to twist in the wind when her current fantasy implodes.

All the best going forward.

Yeah I did good financially with all this. I didn’t lose any of my stuff lol. I agree she’s deep in her fog right now but hey that’s her problem. 🤷🏼‍♂️

I'm glad things went smoothly and everything was settled before the holidays. Now you can focus on yourself and positive things.

It was rather quick in the courtroom then we walked to our cars together and she said “if you ever need anything you let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips).

Nhraracer

Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. As the most injured party you’re like the only priest that can give her absolution.

If she can be on friendly terms with you that will prove to herself and others that what she did wasn’t all that bad.

I always say that if your wayward spouse wants a divorce give it to them as fast as you can. It’s the best way to get good terms while they’re distracted.

Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. As the most injured party you’re like the only priest that can give her absolution.

If she can be on friendly terms with you that will prove to herself and others that what she did wasn’t all that bad.

I always say that if your wayward spouse wants a divorce give it to them as fast as you can. It’s the best way to get good terms while they’re distracted.

Oh yeah I’m sure it makes her feel better about the situation but our families know what she did and how she did it. It will hit her one day when her world crumbles. Let her be the star of her own sh** show.

Oh yeah I’m sure it makes her feel better about the situation but our families know what she did and how she did it.

Nhraracer

As the most injured party you set a limit on how upset others can be with her. If you don’t hold a grudge how can anyone else?

I know of a woman who who told her kids: “Your father forgave me, why can’t you?”

My point is that there is a strong social motivation for her to be seen on your good side.

I also know of a case where this couple had a son that played high school football. The wife had an affair, married her AP and soon had a baby with him.

She wanted her ex to sit in the stands with her new family and watch their son play football. That would show everyone that her ex was over it so they should be too.

She was quite upset when he sat in the stands by himself.

As the most injured party you set a limit on how upset others can be with her. If you don’t hold a grudge how can anyone else?

I know of a woman who who told her kids: “Your father forgave me, why can’t you?”

My point is that there is a strong social motivation for her to be seen on your good side.

I also know of a case where this couple had a son that played high school football. The wife had an affair, married her AP and soon had a baby with him.

She wanted her ex to sit in the stands with her new family and watch their son play football. That would show everyone that her ex was over it so they should be too.

She was quite upset when he sat in the stands by himself.

Yeah I can definitely see what you are saying. I’m definitely not going to be real friendly and on her good side right now. Emotionally I can’t, it would be too much. We didn’t really have a big social circle anyway so the main ppl in our group know how I feel about it and how badly she handled it.

The final hug & kiss - that was rich. Probably patting herself on the back the whole time telling herself what a great person she is. Great to hear you came through this without a devastating financial hit!