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Paul84 (original poster new member #72476) posted at 11:52 PM on Thursday, January 21st, 2021
How likely is it that text messages will be used in a child custody case , if there is no behavior or actions to accompany them ?
[This message edited by Paul84 at 9:37 PM, January 21st (Thursday)]
Ratpicker ( member #57986) posted at 12:26 AM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
I don't know if your parents can afford to help you with lawyer fees or if they would want to help. But I think you should give them the opportunity to offer by explaining the situation to them. Perhaps they would prefer to help pay for the lawyer fees now than find out you lost some of your custody time later. Appealing it would cost even more money.
Stop texting your STBXW!
Road of life is paved with dead squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 2:39 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
How likely is it that text messages will be used in a child custody case , if there is no behavior or actions to accompany them ?
100%
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 4:03 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
If you mean text messages that serve as evidence of missing visitations or making threats - absolutely. If you mean self-serving texts where she's accusing you of things that never happened - they are useless.
Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 5:53 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
Better suggestion, ask your attorney this question. Don't hide the details, so you can receive an honest answer.
And as others said, stop texting your STBXW. NC means NC. It helps.
Paul84 (original poster new member #72476) posted at 7:38 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
What if I made a statement that I no longer wanted to care for the children because of their behavior (one has add) but hours later apologized and said there are no issues ? We currently are separated and have 50/50 custody schedule . My STBX is requesting the court grant her nearly full (80%) custody based on this text. I have never harmed the children and I have no record of crimes or mental health issues . My STBX does however
skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 8:00 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
Paul,
I think you'll be fine with this text. People say a lot of crap in the heat of the moment with divorce and custody cases and judges don't like to wade through a bunch of back and forth. She would need proof that you were an unfit and unsafe parent to challenge your custody - not one text that you never followed through on with actions.
Of course, to save yourself stress, better not to get into these exchanges. I've had texts used in court and it was a bit embarrassing to be honest, not to mention stressful, although no harm came of it - for me anyway.
Usually judges will not change the status quo so as not to disrupt children further. If you have 50-50, barring any abuse or neglect or a child who's having profound issues with the arrangement, the judge will more than likely keep the arrangement exactly as it is. That's why is super important for folks to know the arrangement they set up pre-D will likely be the arrangement they have post D with custody.
[This message edited by skeetermooch at 2:01 PM, January 22nd (Friday)]
Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021
Paul84 (original poster new member #72476) posted at 8:15 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
This is helpful thank you .
fooled13years ( member #49028) posted at 9:19 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021
Not that I have ever been through a D that included a child that was mine but it seems bad enough to me that the marriage is ending but for one of the parents to use the child as a weapon against the other seem unconscionable to me.
Hopefully you both can put the child first while wrapping this up.
I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.
Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 3:01 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021
Text messages are evidence, just like any other evidence. If either party feels that a text message is helpful or pertinent to a custody hearing, they can admit it.
The presence/absence of actions consistent with the text message may go to the weight of the text message in terms of how much it might influence a judge's decision. Other factors include the degree of specificity of the message, its context, etc.
For example, if you sent your WW a text message that said something vague and obviously an emotional outburst: "I hate you and our whole family." And it was in the context of you complaining about how your WW has put you in an untenable life position, it might be something the judge would overlook.
If you said something like: "If I see you with AP at his place during my custody period, I'm going to drop the kids at your house in the middle of the night and leave them outside your front door alone so you can find them when you get your cheating ass home," no matter what you say or do after that, I'm pretty sure a judge is gonna think long and hard about revoking your custody rights.
Bottom line:
1. Don't say stupid things in text, email, or other writing. Once you say it, it's said forever.
2. Get a lawyer.
"The wicked man flees when no one chases."
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