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GTeam, since you haven’t read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass I would say that one should be at the top of your list. I love the idea of discussing it chapter by chapter. We did that too, and it gave me a sense that we were on the same page...literally lol.

I have read so much. My FWH has never enjoyed reading, it puts him to sleep. Audio books have been a saving grace for us. Now he is always listening to books or podcasts. At first I was the one suggesting and researching what to read, but now he is reading books and listening to podcasts I don’t even know about. Not that he’s hiding it from me, just that he will say “I heard this in this book”. And I will say “oh i didn't even know you were reading that”. The doghouse book he found on his own. It makes me feel like he is investing in our healing and rebuilding. What’s even better is when he implements changes in himself based on what he has learned.

Based on your posts it seems to me you are on the right track. You are right, two steps forward one back. The forward motion is what makes it all worth while.

I think I will probably suggest we start with Not Just Friends. I’ve read over and over that it’s a good staple infidelity book. We never really worked through the one I had (After the Affair) because I didn’t love it. So I feel like we kind of skipped a basic step of reading a post-infidelity primer. (Except we both read How to help your spouse heal...). One of the reasons I’ve shied away from NJF book is actually... the title is totally triggering. Both of the APs were my friends and so by extension also his friends. The drunken ONS was a very close family friend and one of my closest friends for a decade. How silly that I’ve reacted that way just due to the title (or not silly at all really, this is such a shitshow).

I think we will both get more out of such a basic book because we’ve fort a little time and healing under our belts. Thank you for seeing the value in the “book club” approach. It seems logical to me, knowing our personalities and dynamics like I do. We have had some good days lately. He handled a recent trigger really well (and it’s not like that’s the first time. It just doesn’t go perfectly every time). He said again that we could do this together.

Also high on my list is the book specifically about PISD though it sounds like it’s not universally loved. I’ll keep that in mind. I think I’ll get that one more for myself and see if there are parts to have him read or listen to. It seems to be written more for the BS. I may ask him to read cheating in a nutshell. I’m a little afraid of it from what I’ve read. A healthy R remains what we both want. Maybe that book will help him fully see how right I would be to not want that. As was said... it’s a GIFT that I even consider it!

[This message edited by GTeamReboot at 1:57 PM, March 14th, 2021 (Sunday)]