SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

being left for someone like that had definitely knocked my self worth down a bit

Your WGF's A has nothing to do with you. It was a decision SHE made. SHE is the one who is broken. Don't allow her decisions and choices to affect you.

They don’t dump you over an EA it’s been a physical affair.

Let her go fully. No contact is your best friend unless you like living in drama. Just because you have a child together doesn’t men you have to talk to her. Limit communication to text or email.

Pickup/drop offs take 2-3 minutes

Hey, how's everything going?

No new developments or anything, but I'm not doing good. I still want her back.

Hang in there. I wanted to work on things initially even though deep down I knew I would never forgive my WW. I went NC, still doing it four months later. Now I don’t see the point, or have any desire to communicate with her. Just follow the advise on here of eating well, not drinking and exercising and you will get through it. Be strong and don’t accept her shit. My ex wife supposedly had an EA, but on reflection and with time I am starting to suspect that it had been going on for some time and was far more then what she has admitted. You know what though, you just have to move on an accept that the person you loved is not here anymore. And to be honest, do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that?

I definitely think the EA was going on for longer than I originally thought after some reflection. I wish I could turn off my feelings for her. It's hard wanting to give someone a chance who doesn't want it.

Once I made the mental decision to detach it has been much easier. Knowing it’s over allows you to move on with your life and prepare for the future. It’s shit but I don’t see how R can work, I mean it has for some but for me it would never have. The hurt caused and the broken trust is just too much. I can’t even think about my ex ww without sneering. If it was only an EA it’s still the lies and deception over the past.

I can't see how R can happen either because she doesn't want it. I'm just having a hard time letting go and realising she isn't the person I thought she was for 6+ years.

Sorry you are going through this.IMO, the fact that you are sort of desperate to reconcile, and that she knows this, makes you very unattractive to her. She will see you as a doormat, someone with low self worth, desperate.

To have any chance of reconciling( and it is beyond me asto why you want to), you need to ignore her, jettison her. Most people are not attracted to desperate, low self esteem people.

Know your worth. She is the lowlife here.

I've been ignoring her for a good few weeks now. I don't respond to any texts that aren't to do with childcare. I don't even speak to her when she picks our son up. I'm doing what I can to completely block her out my life.

Trying to reconcile with a remorseless cheater means you have a high probability of going through this again.

Better put some thought into who she really is. As you reflect back you’ll probably see what you ignored or missed before.

Time will bring you clarity.

Mine did exactly the same, actually still doing exactly the same. She is ignoring me too. It makes NC much easier. I think it is because the affair is far more involved. I think my ex WW actually was planning to leave me for him but wanted to end the relationship with a mutual separation blaming being unhappy. I caught her out when I discovered it, and I she admitted at least the EA for 6 months. I now think it was at least 2 years, and doubt very much is was just an EA. Her ignoring you unfortunately makes the decision easy. As much as it hurts you have to move on. If you can accept that point then I think it will help. Give it time though. I was a mess from New Years until Easter. You will get through this though.

I've been ignoring her for a good few weeks now. I don't respond to any texts that aren't to do with childcare. I don't even speak to her when she picks our son up. I'm doing what I can to completely block her out my life.

I know how hard this is. The emotional pain is very difficult to endure right now.

Her behavior (as with Many cheaters) is all “let’s be friends” because that makes HER rationalize that what she did wasn’t “so bad”. It helps HER to alleviate HER guilt.

It does nothing but keeps you in limbo hoping the relationship can be restored. Even though she has no intention of reconciling.

Over time you will see this is the best choice for you. Hang in there. You will heal. You will survive this. We all do.

`Just to be clear: this is no longer just an emotional affair, right? And she is not only sleeping with him now but also introduced your son to him?

Hey Horrorfan2021, I'm also a fan of Horror, the pulpy 1920s kind from Robert Howard, Clark Ashton Smith and Lovecraft, as well as Asian and Scandinavian horror movies. You should post in the Book Club some time.

However.. the matter at hand. It seems to me that you have at least some definitive proof that your fiance cheated. You have her admitting she did what she did and has the feelings she has. You have clear evidence that she is with her AP now and in a relationship with him, not you. So.. I'm wondering what you want advice about, actually?

You're not in the awful discovery phase, which is a relief. You know what you know and you have it confirmed. You took what I suspect is appropriate action. Don't torture yourself with any doubts. Reading this bit:

A couple of weeks ago we had a birthday party for our son, at the party she asked why I'm being "so cold" with her. Acting like I should be her best friend after she'd broke my heart. At the party so also told me she still didn't know if she'd made the right decision. She also said "we" alot. "Do we have this? Do we have that?" As if we were still a couple.

I sense a man who might be doubting his decisions. Don't be fooled by this routine. You've been doing some research, I can see you know what the 180 is. She is reacting to the negative stimulus of the 180, which WILL cause a reaction, albeit not always a good one. You want to know why she is saying "we" constantly? You're parents together, for one thing. You are going to be making decisions together, in a non-married state, for a long long time. Get used to this.

She might be talking like this for an audience-- possibly just you or possibly other people (to show she's not the bad guy here). She MIGHT want them to think that you two are totally okay with each other after the break up and one of these cool, elevated type couples that can work together for the good of the child, be the best of friends and accept their ex-spouse's new partners objectively. You know the only part of that that's true? The "Work together for the good of the child" part.

You don't owe her friendship. Friends don't behave like this (at least not my friends). Friends don't betray each other and hurt each other. I don't like people like that and I certainly don't stay friends with them. I suspect you don't want to, either.

Here's what you owe your ex-fiance, the sum total of all of it: Cordial cooperation for the common good of the child you had together. That's incredibly important. You won't have the option of blowing her off entirely. that happened the day your child was born. You could, if you find communication with her difficult, resort to email and coparenting apps. That will minimize contact to the bare minimum.

You owe your child your love, affection, and support (financial and otherwise) for a long time. You owe your CHILD that, not her. You just have to deal with her because she's the other part of that deal.

Lots of people become, over time, great co-parents. Even people who loathe each other have the capacity to put it aside for the child's sake. Don't fall for any manipulative tactics like "I'm so confused", "It was a mistake" or "I don't know what I want". In almost every case, they aren't confused at all, they made a decision (not a mistake) and they know what they want. Really, really. So don't get any false hope going or think she has reignited the flame because of her being manipulative. She knew exactly what she wanted when she introduced her AP to your child. Don't forget it.

BTW, if you don't want the AP around your child, you have parental rights in this situation, you know. What does your lawyer say?