SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am sorry your family is going through this. I understand your need for support.

You said he did record your daughter, since that is the case it makes your home unsafe for your daughter to be there with him in it.

Please correct me if you do not believe he did this. I am in no way a legal expert.

Reconciliation with your spouse after he violated your daughter makes his presence makes your home unsafe for your daughter. I can’t believe a judge will allow him back in your home. So the choice is your husband or your daughter.

The ramifications of choosing your husband most probably include him being registered as a sex offender in Under Megan’s Law. Most probably loss of custody of your daughter. Probably supervised visitations with your daughter. Also irreparable damage to your relationship with your daughter and damage to your daughter.

That is the harsh reality.

I hope your in individual counseling. If you do decide to reconcile in normal infidelity the recovery time on average is usually 3 to 5 years. Your husband would probably get ordered at minimum some kind of rehabilitation if not jail.

I did a web search for support for sex offenders families, S-Anon which supports sex addict families. There was also a group for Mother’s.

You have a very difficult road. I am sure you feel very judged with considering reconciliation with your husband under these circumstances. Unfortunately, crimes of this nature bring that out. That is something you would be dealing with the rest of your life.

Like another poster mentioned, if the accusations are true, your H is a pedophile, not necessarily a sex addict (could be both), and if that's the case you would need to file for D to protect your , daughter otherwise you're likely to lose custody of your daughter, not to mention the devastating effect this will cause between you and her, she would likely resent you for life for having chosen a pedophile over her. OTOH I can't blame your XH at ALL and tbh I would do EXACTLY the SAME and take advantage of your ambivalence to get full custody, and don't forget that if you lose custody you will likely be forced to pay child support too.

Follow your attorney's advice and file for D, you can always stop the process if he's found not guilty or even remarry, but don't risk losing custody of your daughter over this.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 8:21 PM, May 17th (Monday)]

As someone who dealt with abuse of a minor I can tell you custody is out the window if you stick with him. I'm hard nosed about this. No contact, file for D and follow thru. Your loyalty should be to child. Pedophiles don't change. Bless you.

Are you the same poster with the same exact situation on another site? If so, you are leaving out an important detail.

There are charges!! Is he innocent until proven guilty, of course. But how were the charges brought up?

Listen, if your child is 12, she isn't really a child. She is a preteen. She knows a lot. Please share with us her current thoughts on this situation. If your daughter is the person who tipped either you off, or her father off, than that means she doesn't approve of whatever it is that her step father was doing. Now, there is the possibility that your Husband did nothing, and your daughter just didn't like him and tried to set him up. That is why we need to know about the charges, and how your daughter views them.

If there is any, and I mean any inappropriate stuff happening, you would need to side with your daughter for all the reasons stated by the other posters. I can tell you, as a father, my biggest concern is for the safety of my children, especially at the other house. I think you need to let us know more before we can help you.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that something for sure happened. You're not sharing all the details, but the one about your attorney advising you to divorce the ex is probably the most telling. If he had a hint from you and the story that you provided that your H is innocent, he wouldn't be so quick to tell you to D your H or risk losing your daughter. That he is advising you to D, he knows some information that we don't that is telling him to give you that advice. And if that's the case, I think you should probably see an IC, and get one stat for your daughter. BC that poor girl needs some IC help.

I am so sorry you and your daughter are facing this, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for both of you. Have you reached out to an individual counselor to possibly help you make sense of all of this. This is not a situation many of us can truly relate to but we are here to support you where we can. An individual counselor may help give you insight into everything you are feeling and the loyalty struggle you are feeling between your husband and your daughter. This can't be easy, and I will be praying that you find the help and support you need in the days, weeks, and months ahead....

WTF

If he is guilty and you are still with him

Then i hope your EX gets full custody

I am sorry but Wtf you are her mother

She comes first

jinkazama, we have already told her everything that you said, but without the "WTF"; it's really not necessary. It seems she is already not posting to respond to our advice, don't make it worse.