SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

There is a current tread in JFO where a recent BS is having a lot of anxiety working in a theatre where her WS had an affair. This buiding is now triggering her, which is causing problems as she has major work there to complete.

So the question. Apart from flight.. what have you done to reclaim things that triggered you.

personally it took me a year to overcome my triggers, i would count to 10 slowly and breath in and out slowly also. that helps me a bit to relax when i get's my triggers hope that helps

You don’t. You can’t just live in fear of them. You have to acknowledge that they are part of the natural grieving and healing process. I believe triggers relate to unresolved feelings which we need accept and analyse...trying to avoid them, or repressing the emotions they cause, will only ensure they hit ten times harder next time.

Time definitely helps. What triggers you one week after Dday may not bother you one year after Dday.

Facing it head on helps, if it’s possible to do that.

I can now tolerate jazz music but I don’t play it or allow my H to play it. And he certainly knows why!!!!

But sometimes I would tell myself “he’s not that cheating guy he was last week or last year”. It helped me to lessen the triggers. And over time things bothered me less. But it took more than a year to stop the impact that reduced me to tears.

I view triggers as pain coming to the surface to be released. I let the trigger flow and wait for it to be done. Alas, that can be a long time - even as long as a week or 2. But triggers do diminish.

I dont think I ever will. We were together 40 years, married 35 years.

That's 40 years of music, world and family events, three children.

My entire adult life is memories tied to ex.

@hcsv, I am feeling that way too right now.

Where I live now is near a beautiful national park where we used to go to have family outings. DDay 2 took place on one of the beaches (how appropriate) and our last family picnic was in a picnic area I drive by frequently.

I also encounter other places and songs during the course of my work days. I tell myself that the pain from the triggers in normal and to be expected, but I must walk past them (literally and figuratively) to get to the rest of my life.

STBXWH's affair was 6 years ago, and DDay 2 was 5 years ago, so I have the benefit of time. When I was in the thick of it, the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise used to help a lot.

During the R phase, We did a lot of trying to rewrite the script around the triggers. For example, he told OW that they were just like high school sweethearts, which created a for me around the phrase "high school sweetheart." So he started calling me his "should have been high school sweetheart." Now the phrase still has some bite, but it stopped being an out-and-out remove-me-from reality trigger that it used to be. We went to some places and made new memories. We danced to some of the songs.

I don't know if any of that will help you, but it certainly did help me. Good luck.

[This message edited by WarriorPrincess at 8:26 PM, May 23rd (Sunday)]