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Newest Member: Timewilltell44

Reconciliation :
Session 6: The Wall

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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 7:34 PM on Thursday, May 27th, 2021

At this point in time, she will tell me the same story 3 days in a row, not remembering that she ever told me either of the first two times.

Tonight was a prime example. She asked a simple question that she had asked yesterday. While asking, she said "I know I asked this before, but I have no idea what you said about it. It didn't stick with me."

And every year for Father's Day, she buys me cream soda. And every year, U tell her that I don't like cream soda, that I like root beer. This has been the dance for 20 years. Seriously.

Seems to me that it's always your contribution to any conversation that she forgets. She tells the story because she enjoys telling it, unconcerned about whether you've heard it before. She asks the question because she wants to know, but she can't muster the energy to remember your answer. She buys you cream soda because she has no clue which you actually like and obviously doesn't care.

Sometimes I just think it's because she really doesn't care to store it in the memory bank.

See, you know it too.

I'm sorry. She's just very self-centered, and changing one's personality is extremely difficult. It's much harder than changing a particular behavior.

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5856   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8663069
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 CaptainRogers (original poster member #57127) posted at 8:15 PM on Thursday, May 27th, 2021

Has she ever spoken to a doctor about this?

That is part of the discussion with her PCP and is being addressed in conjunction with the hormone therapy that she is currently doing.

OIN, I'm not sure it's always as simple as not caring about my response. Sitting with the designer today going over the kitchen remodel we are looking at, she asked the designer the same question 3 different times because she couldn't remember the original answer (and she said as much).

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3355   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8663093
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Rnzwithscissors ( member #57292) posted at 11:53 PM on Monday, May 31st, 2021

Captain,

When I was under an extreme amount of stress I had memory issues. I couldn't remember words as I was talking..like mailbox. I repeated myself ALOT. I began to worry I had early onset alzheimers. What it ended up being was extreme anemia. The hemotologist knew before he saw my blood results. I ended up having a transfusion and it got better.

If she is doing this with everyone/everything this isn't imo a "i don't care about captain" thing. This sounds like a medical issue and I'm glad you are looking into it. I certainly wasn't doing it on purpose, and as I said the worse it got I became quite afraid.



posts: 60   ·   registered: Feb. 6th, 2017   ·   location: NJ
id 8664089
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:31 AM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

She needs complete physical and mental evals. They need to look at vitamins and minerals, possible food allergies, depression, all medications. In the US we are very much over medicated. You HAVE to be her advocate. Whether you stay together or not the fact that she is not processing info is very troubling. Everyone knows about diabetes but the opposite is just as dangerous. Have her bloodwork done. Magnesium, B vitamins especially B12.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 4207   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8664112
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 CaptainRogers (original poster member #57127) posted at 3:47 AM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

Not a worry, Cooley. This has been going on for years. She has regular blood work done every 90 days.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3355   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8664115
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veryconfused ( member #56933) posted at 1:42 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

If she was traumatized by the birthing process she very well may have issues with short term memory. That lizard brain is taking up too much in the way of bandwidth, or the memories are being filed incorrectly.

I remember a discussion about the topic of memory and a surprising number of BS admitted to having issues. who knows, I may have started it. but honestly can't recall . Seriously though, I have done the same since shortly after D Day.

Not saying its the case, just adding

posts: 283   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Mid West
id 8664159
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Reddirtman ( new member #77340) posted at 7:54 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

Reading about your wife's problem with memory loss, after each successive child. My wife went undiagnosed with a thyroid condition called "Hashimoto's Disease" for years. It was not until after the birth of our third child, that the issues became more noticable. IBS, Fatigue, Memory Loss, Weight Gain, and Depression to name a few. I would list irritability as an issue, but I believe that she became more easily irritated, as a result of her condition, and not understanding at the time, what was happening. Once it was diagnosed, she was able to get on meds, and has been able to control her symptoms to a large extent. This is a hereditary disease that is passed from mother to daughter, and will sometimes skip generations.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2021   ·   location: OK
id 8664232
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 CaptainRogers (original poster member #57127) posted at 8:24 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

Thyroid (among other hormone issues) is exactly what is being treated, RedDirt.

She has thyroid meds that are adjusted every 3-6 months, as well as testosterone/estrogen/progesterone, various B vitamins, specifically designed multis for other things that her body doesn't absorb well. The list is quite extensive and the prescription/supplement bill each month rivals our groceries (that also includes the various supplements that #5 & #6 take as well).

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3355   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8664242
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Mindjob ( member #54650) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

"I can't be held responsible for his feelings, right?" is properly, "I didn't realize how my statements were being received.

"It's very irresponsible to <whatever>..." is properly, "I felt out of the loop and not like a member of the team."

She's in the wrong place. She's twisting whatever she can justify into a weapon and wielding it.

Those in Reconciliation are not simply trying to survive infidelity, they're also trying to overcome it.

posts: 557   ·   registered: Aug. 14th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8664258
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:33 AM on Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

I just read today that certain diseases interfere with absorption particularly vitaminB

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 4207   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8664360
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