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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:11 AM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021
That's YOUR opinion... and guess what? You don't get to be the final arbiter of what's right and what's wrong. Next thing you'll be telling me not to believe my lying eyes, but I KNOW the role porn played in my WH's betrayal of me, just like this OP KNOWS the damage it's causing to her marriage.
I know the role porn played in my XWH's cheating too. Do I blame the porn or do I blame the idiot abusing it? Do we blame the beer or the alcoholic abusing the beer? We can't get rid of all things that make us uncomfortable because of how our WS's used them. I can't ban motels nor should I if I could.
I absolutely do understand how abuse of porn can ruin a marriage and traumatize a spouse. I watch porn myself on occasion and I still was very traumatized by my XWH's use of it. It's bad enough to leave a marriage over all by itself. It can be as weaponized against a family as a bottle of liquor can in the wrong hands.
DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 4:33 AM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021
He threatens me repeatedly stating that he will finalize this divorce because I haven't learned to drop it and move on.
I am in the Not going to Divorce camp so take the following however you want.
That statement from him, threatening to finalize the divorce if you bring up his porn use is manipulating and controlling. So my advice. Get your ducks in a row. Find out by a lawyer what your rights are in a divorce and when he says those words again you say "fine! Theres the door".
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
feelingthenoose ( member #35328) posted at 12:35 AM on Sunday, July 4th, 2021
Distance yourself so that you're not so hurt by his actions. Treat him 'business polite,' as you would any coworker. No more or less respectful or attentive. That's about all you can do if you're choosing to stay.
The good news is that you don't have to snoop, accuse, confront, or prove anything to do that. You can take all the energy you've been pouring into those things and invest it into yourself instead. Good luck.
Sofarsogood ( member #71991) posted at 2:02 AM on Sunday, July 4th, 2021
Another thing to consider is what kind of effect this situation will have on your children. Do you really want a daughter growing up thinking this is something she should tolerate in a future relationship? Do you want a son exposed to this type of behavior and thinking it's acceptable? Personally, I'd be lining up my options to leave. Right now, you're giving him all the power. Find a good lawyer and file stating "irreconcilable differences" You and your family deserve better.
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