SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Kids understand literally ten times more than we think that they understand.

I agree with the previous posters. This is not sustainable and at some point, if not immediately, this sort of existence will effect your child's development.

A wholistic nurturing environment requires either two loving parents who have genuinely reconciled or two loving parents who have genuinely divorced and have reconciled with themselves. Or, at least one loving parent who has genuinely divorced, has reconciled with themself and has moved on to find happiness.

There has to be bedrock in this child's life. Either you, her, or some wholesome combination of you and her. Currently, you have none of that.

I would suggest, if you intend on keeping the family together, to continue definitive follow-thru actions. Definitive IC for both of you, definitive reconciliatory actions, and eventually, when the time is right, definitive MC.

Or, I would follow through with D and self repair. At least this child will have one happy parent providing that bedrock.

Living in limbo is not the answer for you, your child, or her.

Please please please figure out a way to rip this bandaid off.
You are only delaying the inevitable. The longer you put off separating because you fear her losing it, the worse it will be.

Get your shit together and get out. Let everyone including yourself and your kids start to heal right away.

Sorry you’re going through this, but finally learning the truth is a blessing.

I agree with everyone urging you to DNA test the kid ASAP. Condoms were definitely not used during a multi-year affair.

Good luck.

This is one of the stories that literally gets to you. It seems that all throughout your relationship, you've been trapped by her. You've been trapped as the front page of her life while she got to enjoy her other life on the background. Now after she outed the AP she still trapped you with the risk of her taking her life. She trapped you financially by letting you take charge of everything she owns and let you take care of her from this moment on. But the thing is, you know deep inside that this doesn't work. You're only here for your son and that's it.

Don't let yourself be trapped in this situation for a long time. Find a way to create happiness for yourself. For the longest time, you've been taking care of her needs while she gets to enjoy other things.