SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One of the hardest things I had to learn - and I think this is especially applicable when dealing with a serial cheater - some people are just incapable of feeling empathy or remorse. There’s not some obstacle in the road, some hurdle they have to overcome. They simply do not have the capacity. It’s never going to happen. Ever. In any situation.

These are also the ones that are often the hardest to really identify…because the issue is and has been such a prevalent one in their lives that they have learned how to very convincingly act differently. They have had repeated experiences that have essentially taught them how they should appear.

There will always be little tells - mainly that something just doesn’t FEEL authentic about what they say and do. They will say that one grossly insensitive thing at exactly the most grossly insensitive moment. And they will be entirely misunderstood…always. It will be a flash of insight for you…and then they will be in back-tracking, cover-up mode. You misunderstood. You took it out of context. You are making this a bigger deal than it is. That’s not what they said. That’s not what they meant. That’s not what happened. Over and over again.

You absolutely cannot get away from these types fast enough. The damage they wreck is substantial, cumulative, exponential. I personally believe serial cheaters are the worst kind of bet you can make. There’s just something about people that are willing to buy a time-share in hell. And they leave you with the bill!

Apparition, what are you doing now? R does not sound like a plausible solution for you when your WW is trying to get you to rugsweep.

We're separated and having horrible conversations that each leave me sure that divorce is the only option if I want to ever recover. She's growing hateful as I've made my needs clear. So there isn't a misunderstanding of any type. My WW wants to rugsweep, her tactic is to say she isn't rugsweeping and we can talk, but then won't actually talk without anger and defensiveness. Sadly, I'll be filing soon.

but then she explains that I don't have empathy for her, that I'm hateful, and that I'm mean.

You bastard you

I think laughing might be the only way to respond to nonsense like that. Come on, there's no rational response to that kind of crap.

She's the kind of person who doesn't mind hurting others - hurting you. I don't think there's any coming back from what she's put you through. What might work? An open marriage maybe, where you don't give a shit what's she's up to? I think a 'normal' marriage with this lady is just not in the cards.

She’s behaving like a typical cheater unfortunately.

She’s behaving like a typical cheater unfortunately.

It seems most BS's want to see their partner as different from other cheaters. I did. But then you watch your wayward apply every tactic in the Cheaters Playbook and painfully come to realize your spouse is not special, they are just a run of the mill, factory spec'd, cheater.