SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I see you're in great pain.

The anger will come and go. Feel it's power and then release it. Anger tells us somethings wrong so we can make changes. Do not use the anger as a weapon. You only injure your self doing that. Think of why you are angry. You were kind, trusting, loving. You tried to be your best self. Do not turn from those attitudes. Do not be cruel with your anger. If you need to go then go and keep growing your spirit. You can still have the life you wanted to have. If she chooses a different path, let her go her way. No good in punishing her. Tell her to seek help for her own good and then you do what's best for you. Think what you learned from her and think about what would help you to heal. Not using another wounded person ( sugarbaby as you say ). That's not the way to heal your pain.

pureheartkit

Thank you so much.

Thinks are going better, disclosure is final and total. She is open about all her electronic devices and location at all times.

She has assured me I was the only able to bring her out of her despair and the sad life she was living in.

My love for her is real. I am fighting for her, and for myself too.

I wont allow one more treason, thats for sure... but I will however forgive anything that happened before we actually kissed for the 1st time.

Im not happy at all, with her past of course. I have my pride and standards and one of my rules was to never EVER date a stripper so yes, I'm sacrificing some to gain some.

I have now verified she was loyal for at least 3 months before we met...

I can only suppose she was trying to get out and didnt know how...

silvermoon777

How do I avoid lashing out? Our relationship and arguments can get dicey in seconds as she is bipolar and Im what's known as "quiet borderline personality disorder" in which I suffer all the pain and lash at myself not at her... not a great combo but the love we have for each other is gigantic.

I'm sorry you're here.
Are you in or have you previously been in DBT therapy for your BPD?
I ask because my exSAWH was diagnosed with quiet BPD, and I know that he often couldn't distinguish between love and mirroring. And also there's the self-loathing and the all-or-nothing thinking. I think it might help you forgive yourself - and also make clearer decisions about the relationship - if you could learn the skills to process your BPD thinking. It is possible.

Also, is she being treated/medicated for her bipolar? If not, that would be a red flag for me. I would find it hard not to worry that she'll go into a cycle and resume self-destructive behaviors.

Good luck,