SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We are 3 months post Dday, and doing extremely well. I wanted R, and he absolutely did too (he didn't think I'd give him R - he thought our marriage would be over when he told me). He has done everything right. He answers every question, has shown me every communication he has, sent her a NC message the day he came clean and held to it with no problem (he actually desperately wanted out of the A), and has walked every step with me. He thanks me repeatedly for giving him the gift of R, and says that nearly losing everything over someone who was nothing opened his eyes and made everything so clear. We have talked through our issues repeatedly and all I can say is wow...things are so good. Our A story is pretty vanilla compared to what I read here, but it was unfaithfulness regardless. His willingness to do anything I need has really helped myself, and our kids (15 and 19) start to heal. Yes, we have a ways to go. Yes, I still get triggered and he holds me through them. And yes, I still absolutely have bad days. But I can do this! His remorse is like nothing I've ever witnessed, and to see him be so vulnerable and open to my needs has really helped show me that one day, I will trust him again. I wish our marriage had been this strong before (don't we all), but I am thankful for the fact that we could work together to start healing and be close again. I love him so much, and I just wanted to offer some hope that to others that with a truly remorseful spouse who is willing to put in the hard work, R is absolutely possible.

All of that is wonderful! What work is he doing on himself, to become a safe partner?

@Hellfire - He's done a lot. It started with figuring out the "why" which meant going back to his childhood to see some learned behaviors that started then. He's now working to correct it by communicating to me for the first time in probably forever. His effort to communicate alone is such a massive change. We're so in tune with each other now. He's given me access to everything, texts/calls to check-in multiple times a day, has written me a letter, is transparent, blames himself 100%, is specific with his apologies, has let me take the lead in terms of what I'm comfortable with, has read several books recommended here along with many articles in the Healing Library and then puts the suggestions to work. He is just really, really putting forth an enormous amount of effort. It's so clear how badly he wants this.

Glad to see a success story! Thank you for sharing.

While 3 months is early in the process, I hope the success continues.

I often say that the path back to loving your partner, now that infidelity has destroyed innocent love, is through pride you have in the work the WS does to rebuild and heal and fix what was broken in them.

That’s something a truly remorseful WS has done for no one else but you and him. That’s something they never did for anyone in the world, especially the AP.

If they can pull it off, the pride you feel can lead back to love if you want it.

@The1stWife it is definitely early, but I still wanted to share some hope. He has held true to every promise and so much more from Dday to now. This past weekend we decorated the tree (which I had been dreading because of memories) but it was wonderful! Our 19 year old son and his GF joined us, our daughter loved reminiscing (she's really struggled to trust her dad again) and it was the first time I let my guard down to just live in the moment of current happiness.

@Stevesn YES! What a powerful statement! His ability to be truly remorseful is something no other person has done for me, and it absolutely makes me love him more. He wants this so bad, and his effort makes me so happy I chose to R because I wanted this too. I just didn't think it was possible.