SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m sorry you are facing this situation b/c unfortunately only the cheater (at this point) can turn this around.

Unfortunately I had dday2 as my H was still cheating (after he supposedly "ended it" with the OW). Here’s where it gets interesting. Immediately after Dday 1 he starts the ILYBNILWY and he wants a D. After 25 years of a good marriage.

Yes I was blindsided. And I did not know about SI. So I have a great therapist who kept my sanity intact but I was making decisions on the fly.

I decided I needed to get my plan B together just in case.

Four months later and dday2 is when I found out why I kept hearing he wanted a D — even though things were improving I still heard it every 2-3 weeks. At least in dday2 I know WHY he wants a D — to be with the OW.

So I tell him this exactly - very calm and rational. "I am D you. I’m sorry it has come to this but I have nothing left to give to you or this marriage. You are free to go snd be with the other woman or anyone else you please".

And I left the room. It was NOT a discussion.

I stripped him of any power or decision making ability in my life or my kids’ lives. I told him to get out. He refused. I found him a place to go.

He saw a whole new side of me. He’s now begging me to Reconcile. But it’s too late. He did me wrong and in my mind there is no possibility of R. I have NO feelings for him. I don’t hate him. I don’t love him.

So I understand where you are right now. I had those same feelings.

The difference between my H and your W is on dday2 my H got his act together. He heard me say no R was possible but he never gave up. He made an effort every day to prove he changed.

Long story short after one year I finally stopped feeling like I was D him every day. We are now happily reconciled. Life is good.

But he changed. And those changes have been permanent. We are one of the lucky ones.

But the cheater has to make that commitment to the marriage, stop lying, stop making excuses etc.

Without the cheater making changes there is little chance of success.

Last night was the first night I have slept thru the entire night since d-day, was nice I had forgot what that was like actually.

First thing this morning she tells me if there is no sex she doesn't see how she can stay, I assume this some kind of shock treatment in her eyes, no idea, don't care as I said I would mount a cactus before I would her, she says later in the day that she cant understand how I could be so upset over 4 months of time considering we had 24 years before that "we" were happy" like that in any way should "offset" her A. It blows my mind that someone could be so disconnected from reality to come to the conclusion that either of these lines of conversation would lead to a positive outcome. I have taken back control of my life from her and will not argue with her, instead I give a terse answer and stop the conversation, this poorly veiled threat and the dissonance about the prior 23 1/2 years versus the 4 month A has pretty much set my mind on the path we will go, lawyer says I should wait until the new year to file so I am thinking that will be the way I go

Why has your wife morphed into such an alien who believes that she can coerce you into sex AND make demands like that? That is crazy to think she’s so far removed from reality and the person she was into believing that she is just going to demand her own way.

Wow!!! She really has become clueless. Or selfish. Or both.

This is, unfortunately, a situation only she can change. I hope she pulls her head out of the sand soon and sees the damage she is causing.

Or maybe she doesn’t care and really wants to be with the AP.

That is rich Site!!! Why can't you forgive her A, which was only 4 months when you had 23ish great years. Well, you can turn it back on her, if you had 23ish great years, whyd she have to go and piss it away with some other dude? Bet she didn't think about that.

Her little threat of she can't stay if you dont have sex!!! Again, how rich/?? Call her bluff, tell her to pound sand and that you will divorce her. She's trying to regain control of this relationship and narrative, don't let her. She is sensing that you are gaining control, and the reason why she won't accept reading the book and doing the work that the book lays out is bc she doesn't want to hand over control to you. She will not submit. What do you have when you have a WW that won't submit? You HAVE AN UNREMORSEFUL SPOUSE. That is what she is. Without remorse, you don't have a chance at R.

Plus, read what I said before. You now know, she'd happily ditch you when you were down. FUCK!! Read that again, she was gonna ditch you when you were down!! I would unhitch my wagon to that horse immediately. She is not safe man. When you're laying in your bed dying, that's when YOUR PERSON is suppose to show up for you. She ran into the arms of another man. She's worthless.