SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, when you become retired, what will you do then? Still stay as room mates?

No, she knows that if it ever happens again, I go scorched earth on everything. I'll make sure there isn't enough left for either of us to make a phone call. I won't give a s*** then.

I've not closed the door on us having an emotional connection one day but it will, above all else, require that she first be authentic and completely honest with me. The very thing she's denied me. The intrinsic problem with that is that I believe her authentic and honest view is that she deserves better than me and doesn't actually have romantic love for me. At most, I think she has "father of my children" -love. If that's true, that's one hell of a catch 22 for sex ever being about more than a release.

I feel like a broken record, saying this, but it's true. You're wasting precious years of your life in this awful marriage. If you get a divorce you can find someone else if you wish. Especially since you're a middle aged man, you have the advantage in the dating market at this phase in your life. You won't have a hard time finding women, regardless of whether you want a long or short term relationship. I see it again and again on these boards, when middle aged men finally leave and are buoyed by the romantic and sexual opportunities they have after they've left.

That's not a great reality for me, a middle aged woman, but I always shake my head when I see middle aged men refuse to leave, and fail to improve their lives with the abundant opportunities that are out there.

99 and Rodeo,

I can relate with your posts and sentiments. I know there are those screaming "DIVORCE" but you do what is comfortable to you, and when you feel fine with Divorce then you can pull the pin.

I too invested in my family and marriage. But since my wife's affair and her lack of effort or remorse, I have started to focus on myself. My daughters have now graduated HS and I am getting my ducks in a row for her next affair or when I decide to pull the pin. I am finding out about my rights and what divorce could look like for me (internet research and one lawyer consultation so far). I WILL be prepared this time. In the meantime, I go to the gym, I just bought some new cymbals and set up my drums that have been packed away since my children were born. This past weekend I treated myself and myself only to "Topgun: Maverick". Focusing on myself has helped ease my pain and to detach, and I am at peace if I decide to divorce and live the rest of my life alone.

I would encourage you to focus more energy on yourself, doing things that bring you happiness, things that you denied yourself for so long or sacrificed for the marriage. The shit sandwich of WS sucks, but a beer can help get rid of the taste.