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Newest Member: Crushedafter46years

Reconciliation :
WH's ex - just a rant

mad1

 Cabernet (original poster member #72890) posted at 4:06 PM on Thursday, September 29th, 2022

Not strictly related to my 'story', but need an ear to vent to other than WH.

WH has 3 children from a previous marriage, and 6 grandchildren. We tried to have a child together, but it didn't happen, we 'ran out of time biologically', all is good for the most part (aside from what brought me into this group originally, but we are reconciling).

WH's ex-wife has always been toxic. She suffers from alcoholism and mental illness, and even though she is the one who left their marriage, tormented me for years when I first started dating WH (called me to harass me, stole and broke my possessions, etc.). This was almost 20 years ago now. WH has not kept contact with her after their children grew up, and unfortunately because of this toxic woman, his oldest child was poisoned against him - the only contact he has from her is when she calls to ask (demand) something from him - money (usually), help moving, the list goes on.

This daughter reached out to WH this week asking for $. She had moved to a more expensive city with her kids (he found out through her sister), and obviously cannot afford it. He responded by letting her know he could afford to give her $X (less than she asked for) and questioned her choice about moving. She responded with something along the lines of 'I have resigned myself to the fact that you don't want to be a part of my life or the life of my children, but I am a good mother'. Then.....

WH's ex sends a text: "reminding" WH that they have children together that they are responsible for. Saying that because he married me a *gasp* CHILDLESS WOMAN - he is running away from his responsibility. She goes on to say that I am in the dark about the times that they (WH and ex) slept together and about the secret vasectomy he got so that I would remain childless. I'll admit that because of WH's infidelity my heart started pounding. I had to sit down and logically think about this. Even in my wildest nightmare, these allegations could NOT have happened. I have concrete proof. She obviously knew that I would read this text, and that it would upset me.

I hate that this bothers me. Typing it out has helped get it off my mind. Thanks for being an ear smile

Well I've been afraid of changin' 'cause I
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children grow older
I'm getting older too

posts: 80   ·   registered: Feb. 24th, 2020
id 8757517
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 1:56 PM on Friday, September 30th, 2022

I am happy to see that typing this out has helped you smile .

How did it come about that you read your WH's text?

It sure seems like the ex is bitter...especially if she has spewed poison about your WH to their children. I can't imagine doing that...and my 1st H was a serial cheater...but I wanted to do what was best for our child. When our child became an adult...they saw for themselves what kind of person my ex was...and decided on their own to not be around him. I blocked my ex after our child turned 18...and I can't even begin to express the FREEDOM I have from doing that smile . It may be time for your WH to do the same...IF these are the kinds of texts he keeps getting.

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8757686
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 Cabernet (original poster member #72890) posted at 4:10 PM on Friday, September 30th, 2022

How did it come about that you read your WH's text?


I have had full access to WH's electronics from D-day, but he has always shown me the texts from his kids and Ex. He often asks for my help in putting his thoughts down to reply, etc.

I agree that it is time to block his ex - their youngest child is almost 30 now. I will admit that sometimes I do find a little bit of entertainment in her rants - I think he does too, which may be a bit of the reason why she isn't blocked. (Got a message once that she was calling the Mexican police to find us and bring us home. We weren't in Mexico. Now that's an inside joke laugh ) He never replies though.

Well I've been afraid of changin' 'cause I
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children grow older
I'm getting older too

posts: 80   ·   registered: Feb. 24th, 2020
id 8757725
default

jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 11:36 AM on Saturday, October 1st, 2022

Did your WH respond to this message? Did he even want to respond, or does he know that it is best to leave it alone?

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4126   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8757855
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 Cabernet (original poster member #72890) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, October 3rd, 2022

Did your WH respond to this message? Did he even want to respond, or does he know that it is best to leave it alone?


No, he didn't respond. He never does, as he knows that she's just looking to pick a fight. If she calls him (rarely), he just hangs up.

Bit of an update - hubby did end up giving daughter a bit more $ - not as much as she asked for, but he 'split the difference'. I'm sure his ex thinks it's all because of her text. ugh.

Well I've been afraid of changin' 'cause I
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children grow older
I'm getting older too

posts: 80   ·   registered: Feb. 24th, 2020
id 8758072
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