Topic is Sleeping.
IndigoSkye (original poster new member #81020) posted at 4:11 AM on Sunday, October 30th, 2022
Hello. I am 10.5 months out from DDay 2, the "real" one. I don't think much about the 4 sexual encounters he had with her except for when we have sex.
We are both doing a ton of work, IC 2-3x a week for him and twice a week for me. Lots of podcasts, books, SA calls for him etc.
When did your intrusive thoughts/mind movies during sex slow and eventually cease? When we are physically intimate I can't enjoy a single minute where I'm not seeing him and her in my mind. It's so bad now, it's disturbingly noticeable if I'm NOT thinking about them. Like "Oh wow! Great! I'm not thinking about them!" and then that brings me right back around to seeing them again.
I need some timelines to look forward to please!
Me: BW 37, WH: 38 Together since 15 & 16.
M: 05/05/07 - 9 children
DDAY 1: 12/2006. Told me 1% truth "Unsuccessful ONS"
DDAY 2: 12/2021. 4.5 years 2006-2010 EA&PA, 15-year Porn addiction. Porn chosen to look like the OW.
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 1:48 PM on Sunday, October 30th, 2022
My experience probably isn’t helpful because it’s kind of all over the place. We had six months of hysterical bonding sex after D-day where mind movies weren’t much of an issue except during particular acts that I know he did pretty often with his AP. Only after that period did mind movies during sex become an issue. Since then, It seems to go in waves. I’ll have a period where it’s a problem, and I’ll end up kind of avoiding sex, and then it will dissipate and sex will be fine for a while. I’m still having those waves 2+ years out. I still also avoid the acts that I know will cause mind movies, which means our sex life is more bland and inhibited than before the affair. All that to say I don’t know the answer to your question. I think it’s different for everyone.
[This message edited by Grieving at 1:49 PM, Sunday, October 30th]
Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:49 PM on Sunday, October 30th, 2022
Around 3 years for me, but YMMV.
This may help: https://survivinginfidelity.com/topics/574286/newbies-mind-movies-and-dark-thoughts-how-to-stop-them/
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:52 PM on Tuesday, November 1st, 2022
I'm 5 years from DDay1, 4 years from DDays 2/3 [same LTAP] and almost 2 years from when LTAP was found cyberstalking and trying to reach out so we had a Cease and Desist sent. And I still get them.
Now, they aren't as crippling as they once were [I'd have massive panic attacks]. They don't send me down the rabbit hole anymore. And they aren't as frequent as they once were.
I've had a lot of IC and done a lot of healing since those early days. That lessens the blow. I make sure I up my self care when they do hit - because the sorrow is real. As is the melancholy of realize this IS my life and this DID happen to me. I carry my emergency Rx of Xanax with me at all times knowing there is no shame in using it if I have to. I seldom have to use it anymore. If I do, I tell myself no shame but do note what had me doing it so I can track it.
Healing isn't linear but is quite the bitch.
As for mind movies during sex [those are a horrible] I basically fu*ked LTAP right out of my mind. And made sure it was gOOd for me. I was one of those BS that got hit by the HB bug pretty hard. Once I figured out it was a thing and nothing to be ashamed of, I made it all abOut me. That helped in the moment. The silent tears cried later in the dark purged my system of the rest of it.
All this to say while no 2 people are alike, we've all BTDT to a point. Be gentle with yourself.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Topic is Sleeping.