SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I do not think cheating is inevitable based on FOO but I do think it contributed to our weak character, emotional immaturity, poor self worth, and lack of coping skills.

How can it NOT? As a child is growing, and learning, they have to work with the data provided. It is almost like a clean slate when young, and they are going to take their learned experience, and practice it themselves. What else would they be expected to do? And if those experiences are unhealthy, and that's all that they 'really' know, expecting otherwise seems irrational, doesn't it?

I'm 50+ years old, and I'm still learning how much a child's experience in their formative years can effect their entire life. My deceased adopted niece is a shining example of the demons from her childhood that came back in full force in her teens, and her inability to handle such. I can GUARANTEE all of you that as I was raising my two children, I had no idea how strongly our upbringing could effect them in their later years. I hope that I did okay, but to say that I knew just how much impact we would have as parents would be simply untrue. A child's mind, and how they learn and interact with others, is far more sophisticated than I originally gave credit for.

My WH's father and both of his siblings have cheated. WH's father multiple times and both of his siblings (one brother and one sister) have both at least once resulting in divorce for both of them. His parents are still married and we are for now still married. Total family is dysfunctional and I have stayed away from them as much as possible since the most recent Dday. Yes, I've had three Ddays and for various reasons at each time we didn't divorce.

Funny thing also, my siblings and I have all been cheated on... My brother passed away due to issues attributed to his WW and his divorce and yet my WH claims to love him and he cheated on me again after my brother's death a few years ago.

Both of us grew up in chaotic dysfunctional homes. Not sure why his family turns to cheating and my family marries these assholes.

Yup. WH’s dad cheated, his maternal grandfather cheated, and his uncle also cheated.

Silly me thought this meant he would never cheat (plus he and his family are Catholic). I could not be more wrong.

I always wondered if infidelity ran in families. I didnt know of anyone cheating or any infidelities till I married my H. I found out that WH's grandfather married a second time. WH's father cheated on his mother, got AP pregnant. Had a newborn with WH's mother and 8 months later another newborn with AP. He remarried atleast 3 times that we know of. He had countless affairs during his marriage. My H saw his mother's struggles especially as a single mother with four children. He told me he would never hurt me like that. Well he did. He hurt me just like his father hurt his mum.

WH lost contact with his father for 20 years. WH's father now all alone in his 'bachelor pad' living the dream of the single 'fun' life at nearly 70. Basically he has no one. He's been dumped!

WH visits him and has forgiven him. Maybe because he can relate. Both have something in common. Both are cheaters. Maybe im being harsh but cheaters are definitely broken inside. They have some kind of trauma from childhood that has made them the cheaters they are today.

XWGF sister cheated 2 years before XWGF A. This in its self wasn’t a red flag but it was a traumatic time. Her sisters A blew up when her AP commited suicide.

Step forward 2 years and XWGF has her own affair. Same deal, younger CoW.

So on dday I’m taking to my MIL as she was the one that alerted me to my XWGF A and she tells me that she did the same at the same age, same deal again CoW

This was very shocking, she is literally the sweetest person ever. And the last person you’d expect it from.

Over the next few months I discover the maternal grandmother and all maternal grandmothers sisters had return to work A’s too.

Now in every case except mine the BS rugswept and stayed. One of them is even surrogate father to an affair child.

So That’s my WGF family

On my side it’s the paternal line. Every single male in my family has cheated except me and my brother. My father had multiple As finally left around 30 years ago and has cheated on 2 more wife’s and multiple GFs since.

I have recently been triggered by my life long friend cheating on his wife. I gave him the chance to do the right thing which he has decided against so he is also currently no longer part of my life.

Infidelity sucks !!

Was the excuse for your ExWGF the same for the rest of her cheating family members - it was just a meaningless fling and sex, not love, so let’s just get over it?

Did you ever have conversations with the BH’s of your ExWGFs family who were cheated on? Did they discuss their perspective and decision to rug sweep?

What differences, if any, do you find personality wise, between these BHs and you, in that you refused to rug sweep but they did?

SIL was planning to leave her husband until AP committed suicide and my own WGF genuinely thought she was having an exit A whilst in the fog but in reality hers was most likely a MLC A

MIL was a ONS

BIL never asked SIL a single question he just didn’t talk to her for about 3 years. He would not have a conversation about it in any shape or form.

FIL doesn’t talk to anyone full stop, didn’t even acknowledge one of his daughters was close to suicide when her AP killed himself.

So no chance to speak to them whatsoever.

I don’t know the rest of the family so couldn’t say.

Why did I react differently? I don’t know but I have recently stopped contact with my lifelong friend for cheating on his wife so it seems I have a very strong reaction to As maybe as a result of my fathers behaviour? Would love to know this myself.

I am currently being assessed for high functioning ADHD (yes for the 1st time at the ripe old age of 50) and I’ve read that one of the symptoms of ADHD is "injustice sensitivity" so maybe it has something to do with this.