Reading your post, I felt like reading my life .
almost 2 years ago , my WH had a 5 month online EA PA (virtual sex ) with an old college friend . I found out from the text she sent him …
Immediately after I found out , he told me ( TT) , they exchanged the L words several times daily but he only liked her , didn’t love her. He said , they were only flirting . This was Dday 1.
I used his phone to tell her that I found out what they did and asked her to never contact my husband again .
The next day , without my knowledge, he contacted her to tell her what really happened , how I accidentally read her text . The following day , in front of me , he sent her a text, told her not to contact each other again … but this was a ruse ! …
Although they stopped the virtual sex , they continued their EA for another 4 months. He insisted , he never flirted and never said the L word anymore , although she still did . He told me , he was worried about me crying , felt guilty and the only person he could talk to was her ! Duh !
At the end of this 4 months , he decided to come clean and told me about the virtual sex and did the real NC . This was my Dday 2. Then we did IC.
He insisted that after the second or third day of Dday 1, he was over with her as a lover , he only treated her like a friend and after the real NC, he didn’t even think of her unless I brought it up .
Is this shutting off feelings right after discovery, real for him ? I don’t know , but in front of me, he acted like whatever happened was really over . At Dday 2, he sent her another NC letter saying that he only love me , never her. He is still staying NC at present.
Your WH decided to NC right away after discovery while mine still stayed in contact for 4 months, although he swore he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards her anymore during this time . My guess is that your husband behaved better than mine .. My WH still needed 4 months to detoxify .
My WH , like yours , insisted , there was no more feelings for her after Dday1 ..
Are they telling the truth ? I don’t know but I cautiously trust him.
Only time will tell if they are telling the truth … my reconciliation is still work in progress … I still have bad and good days … it is not a straight line , but I see a glimmer of hope.
Good luck and hugs to you !!!