SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all

After 20 months of attempting to reconcile following my WS extensive infidelity,I have decided to end our marriage. I am riddled with guilt amongst other feelings but I know it's the right decision. Can anyone recommend books to help me navigate through this complicated process?

I recommend the book * no soliciting *.

I send you strength and support!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:49 PM, Sunday, September 10th]

Helena67

Thank you. I bought this on discovery of the cheating and I enjoyed it. I may go back to it. I think I'm past the cheating side of things and now just want to focus on getting me and my daughter through the break up (again!)

Cheating in a Nutshell

compiled by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell

I bought from Amazon and have read it twice (slow learner)

I find the negative views posted are just myopic or negative due to prejudice of reader

A lot of summary of studies (extensive bibliography) and stories from persons who have climbed the infidelity path.

I second what Hippo recommended. That book is the most honest about infidelity from my own experience and from my observations of others over these many years.

Whatever you do, please try to alleviate those feelings of guilt. They aren't appropriate and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Thank you

I think I feel guilty because my WS has been committed since the discovery and a supportive partner but I feel myself reverting back to how I was before the discovery, miserable. I feel like I've wasted his time but it seemed the right thing to donate the time.

You did not waste his time. His betrayal of you put you both into this terrible situation. You gave it a shot and decided it was not worth it for you. Please do not feel guilty for "wasting" his time.

I read a book about 50 or so years ago called, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". It is still available at Amazon. I really think you could benefit from it. The first part goes into evolutionary biology and is somewhat boring. However, as I recall it gets really good when it describes the exercises one should do to get over their guilty feelings.

Again, please don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.

Thank you lrpprl

I will look this up as it sounds like I need to work on this. My poor daughter will have to go through this separation again which adds to my guilt. I hope to find a book to help me support her through it.

Thanks again

There is no guarantee that Reconciliation is going to work.

The cheater takes a huge risk when entering into an affair.

First most cheaters think they won’t get caught.

Second — they often get caught and are unprepared for the fallout.

Third — they are NEVER prepared to truly understand the damage the betrayal causes.

And then there’s the risk that the betrayed spouse can’t or won’t Reconcile or they try to R but it just doesn’t work.

I understand it will be a hard conversation to tell the cheater that the marriage cannot survive the infidelity. But I think it would help the cheater to understand that you did your best but for these reasons (be specific) it’s just not going yo work for me.

If you have done your best but it’s not working, you really should not have any guilt.