SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

In 3 days, it will be 28 years since I got married. In 6 days, it will be 3 years since DDay1. Yesterday, I signed an agreement with a divorce mediator to begin the process of ending my marriage.

3 years is a long time and yet also not that long in the grand scheme of things. The grief hits me much less often now than it used to, and knowing that divorce is going to happen provides a lot of relief, but I find that I'm still emotionally pretty fragile. It doesn't take much to resurrect the wishes for death and the deep regrets at my choice of life partner, especially at this time of year.

How does one develop emotional resilience? I feel like I'm walking on ice covered by snow, and every so often, it cracks and I fall through. My therapist says it's all part of the grieving process and there are no shortcuts. I'd like a highly insulated wetsuit, though, to help ease the shock and the pain when I do get pulled under. Does such a thing (non-metaphorically speaking) exist?

I'm so glad I made the decision to leave him, though. There's a sense of unreality about getting divorced, but there's also a deep joy when I think about being free of him, so I know it's the right decision, even if the circumstances that caused it make me sad.

It is always that dreaded word time. It will take time just like healing after D-Day we also need to heal after D. While my M to xWS was toxic it still didn't make it any easier to D. I know what you mean wanting that emotional resilience. There are still times I feel an uneasy uncomfortability for my M ending but it was for my own emotional safety and I no longer loved my xWS. The uneasy feelings we just need to give ourself the space and the grace to move through it. I still grieve the M I never had, the husband who could never be who I wanted him to be and my lack of love for him how it disappeared.

I don't regret D. I think I regret the decisions I made throughout the M. Why I stayed so long at my and my children's expense. The fear of D and breaking up the family kept me firmly planted in limbo for years. It was not a life. It was surviving.

There is also peace in this process I feel relief that I no longer have to be emotionally abused or worrying about who he is with or whether he will give me another STD. My children no longer see me in a deep depression drowning myself into a dark oblivion. They see a very happy and peaceful mom now. While the D was hard on all of us it was necessary for my mental health and survival. Necessary for my kids to have their mom be healthy.

May we all get stronger in our emotional resilience. I wish that for all of us and one day reach full peace at our decision. Hugs!