SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just want to let this out because I don’t know who would understand

I feel like a monster. I’ve always had low self esteem and low self worth, but after dday that feeling hit the nail on the coffin and sealed my fate. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve to wear makeup, wear nice clothes, eat meals that I enjoy without the shadow of dday behind me. The worst part is the affair was with my cousin who used to molest me and attempted to rape me at the age of 15… why in the world did I think it was a good idea to talk to him after the hurt he put me through? Why was I dumb enough to be manipulated and feel bad for him? I still decided to have sex with him and it angers me. I hate myself. I want to destroy every single cell in my body. Not only am I known as a cheater, but also a self disrespecting disgusting slut. I feel like even my therapist would agree on me with this. My self hate is so powerful I fear it will lead me to self destruct even more.

I hate happy couples. I hate women who are secure and confident. I hate that I have to live in this body of a monster. I’m in everyone’s way all the time and I feel like even my kids know I’m a monster. I’m disgusting and don’t deserve to live.

I feel like a monster.

You aren’t. Full stop.

You are human, full of beauty and light and worth.

You are in a dark place, full of pain and shame. It will get better.

Seek light. Pursue truth and health.

You are no monster, and this storm will pass.