SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I always thought they were more or less the same thing, but it turns out they are not. I often see it recommended here not to do marriage counseling early on for couples dealing with infidelity, and from what I just read I can see why that's probably good advice.

Marriage counseling focuses on improving communication and strengthening the relationship before facing challenges. Geared more toward engaged couples and newlyweds. Usually shorter term.

Couples counseling is more for those wanting to strengthen emotional connections and/or dealing with ongoing issues, including infidelity. It's supposed to be suitable for any stage in a relationship, including long term partnerships. Usually longer term.

Like I said, I've often seen it recommended here to avoid MC for couples newly affected by infidelity, but haven't seen much said about CC. I'm curious what some of the more seasoned members here feel about the difference between the 2, and if CC is generally also considered a bad idea in the earlier stages of recovering from an affair. Dealing with infidelity is supposed to be in the CC wheelhouse.

[This message edited by Pogre at 12:10 PM, Friday, November 14th]

Speaking from my personal experience only, I think there has to be a demonstrated genuine commitment to the marriage on the part of the wayward spouse before joint counseling is attempted. Again, my personal experience only, but active unrepentant waywards can weaponize the process to do further damage to include manipulation of the counselor.

And I was way too traumatized to be put in that situation when I discovered EX WH’s extreme duplicity. Consummate liar that he is, he premeditatedly used the process to the point where the therapist was saying "I don’t know who to believe"….Well let’s see, I had pictures of him cheating…
There is also that for the process to work, both marital/couples parties need to be on team marriage—working together for the marriage. I am not saying this is the case with every single active wayward, but I can say that I consider cheating to be defection. I am not gonna put a Benedict Arnold on my marriage team ever again.

PS historically Benedict Arnold led some very successful battles on behalf of the Colonies until he decided to change sides. History suggests he did so because he "did not feel recognized". Well, well, well…

Oh, I agree that both people have to be on board with the marriage before any kind of joint counseling should be considered. If both are on the same page, then it would seem that a good CC with experience in dealing with infidelity could be helpful. That is unless they're the type of counselor who will shift blame toward the BS. Which as far as I know, might be the the norm with a CC as well as a MC.

I have no experience with either. Like I said, up until this morning I assumed they were just 2 different words for the same thing. My WW has been nudging for us to go to CC, and she's the one who told me there's a difference when I expressed my reservations about MC. I didn't know that so I looked it up. We're 7 months out from d day and have made amazing progress on our own. She's on board, and agrees with me if we ever did encounter a therapist who tries to shift blame to me, we would walk out.

[This message edited by Pogre at 2:59 PM, Friday, November 14th]