SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before the ‘A’ I would say we were comfortable in our marriage, for me boringly so. And maybe for my WH.

I would let my WH get away with what I now know is his ‘bad’ habits. I wouldn’t require what I consider ‘proper’ communication - it was just who he was, it was too hard for him, he wasn’t bought up like that blah blah blah. As part of me considering staying in this marriage this was a part of him that had to change, an TBH he really tried and was better.

So now we are well on our way to our new normal and of course become what I call ‘comfortable’!!! Trouble is we both seem slip back into our old habits that weren’t great for any marriage.

‘ To me, it kind of seems that when you are comfortable in a situation you don't feel the need to 'try'. And don't get me wrong I completely understand that but for me it is just as important that you keep up the effort at all times. If you don't that is when people get bored, that is when people feel unsupported or unloved, that is when people think stepping outside of a marriage is a good idea.’

I sent this to him today in an email. When will he ever get it? I can’t see me ever be truly comfortable again

What exactly are you expecting? I believe there is a typical pattern that goes along with Reconciliation.

Hysterical bonding, recognizing the need for (improved) communication, a commitment to the marriage and transparency (among other things).

But that "honeymoon" phase will wind down. Life will go back to its routine and become normalized.

What is it about the normalized day to day that scares you? Are you afraid of a repeat affair? Because people don’t cheat because they are bored (in most cases). As a spouse you are 50% of a relationship or marriage and it’s NOT YOUR JOB to make the other person happy.

It never was.

It’s the partner or spouse’s responsibility for their own happiness. As a spouse or partner you are to ADD to that happiness.

I hope this helps you.