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I am almost certain that my husband is having another affair. He lied about spending the day with a coworker, lied about driving her home and taking 10 minutes or so before leaving, is having conversations with sexual undertones, deleting messages, I swear his clothes smell like perfume, is watching porn of women who look like this woman, and what I feel like is my smoking gun -- I found viagra in his work bag and jacket pocket and the pill count is going down.

I've confronted him about everything, but the Viagra, because I just wanted to keep 1 thing in my back pocket. He is downplaying the relationship and saying the text messages were just stupid. The fact that he is having a relationship at all with a female coworker means he has zero empathy for me because the first affair was with a female coworker.

I've already contacted divorce lawyers, and am trying to focus on myself, but I also feel consumed by this, and I am so anxious. I just want every detail and to track his every move. I don't know why I feel like he needs to admit it when I have overwhelming evidence, and the lying and sneaking is enough of a reason to want a divorce. The little repair he has done after the first affair has left me checked out, and already strongly leaning toward divorce.

I don't know what to do. I can't leave, and he refuses to leave. Keeping the peace and trying to forget about it makes me feel like I will become complacent. I know I deserve more than this. My mental health is suffering right now.

[This message edited by PearlyBaker at 6:34 PM, Monday, March 9th]

I’m so sorry PB that indeed you are correct, he has no respect, empathy or compassion for you as his spouse.

As others will say, you don’t need the final smoking gun of proof to move forward with filing.

Is this AP married, if so, you know what needs to be done, inform the other betrayed.

I’m sure the lawyers you contacted have given you next steps on gathering all of the financial info.

And while in house separation is not ideal-many here have gotten thru it or are currently making it work for financial reasons.

We all completely understand wanting the "answers and proof", but he will never give you that.

Lies and gaslighting is what he is capable of.

Put yourself and your mental health first. Have you seen your doctor for possible meds to assist? Have you been able to get out of the house for exercise or fresh air? Have you confided in a trusted family member or friend?
Are you journaling?

Put yourself first and began to disengage from him and his lies.

Take care.

I believe that she is going through a divorce, but still living with the husband. Would it be right to contact him?