3 months post DDay, quick background if not known. WS had a 4 month EA with coworker. Mainly phone calls, texting and progressed to agreeing and discussing to meet outside of work for sex. First 2.5 months, I did a 180 and last couple weeks I’ve begun to show some kindness, allowed more conversations and shown emotions.
Things I’ve observed from WS since DDay:
1. Stopped contact w/AP
2. Started process to transfer out of office, he says bc he wants to remove himself from the environment but also bc he knows it will always be a trigger for me everyday he goes into work. This process may take minimum 6 months and likely a lot more. There has to be an opening, he has to apply and be selected. Not a quick or easy process, but he’s set on it.
3. Shared phone location. Sharing wearing abouts, which he usually did but now I have location. Access to phone logs through phone carrier.
4. Began individual counseling. This one shocked me, he’s not the type of person who "believes" in counseling. The couple times we’ve done counseling throughout our marriage has been because I’ve asked him to do it, while I searched it and booked it. He has not shared anything about it, so I don’t know what topics he’s starting with…he has child sexual abuse trauma which has never been addressed. I did search up the place he chose and it specializes in trauma and in people who serve/first responders(WS works in this field) but provides all counseling services. According to the business card he left on his nightstand, he’s meeting with a clinical psychologist who specializes in marriage/family and PTSD.
5. He also ask how I’m feeling, if I have any questions or just need to talk. He apologizes randomly in situations that he believes may be triggering to me.
This is WS second affair. First affair was 10 years ago, a 1 night stand, he did a polygraph then and we did some marriage counseling. He didn’t seem truly remorseful and wanted to sweep under the rug. I eventually forgave and moved past it. This time we both reacted completely different. I was done, strong and did 180. He seems remorseful, and doesn’t want to sweep it under the rug and actually wants to do the hard work this time around. The individual counseling seems to be helping him emotionally mature, and understand the damage he’s caused and also maybe steps he can take.
I guess I’m still watching, waiting, healing, and deciding. It’s still very early, I know I’ve been through this. But what I do know is I’m focused on my healing this time, even though I haven’t offered him R or D, he also seems to be focused on my healing. We have also been parenting our kids smoothly since we both agreed they are priority and don’t want the home to be toxic or uncomfortable.
[This message edited by chica1 at 5:04 AM, Sunday, April 12th]
