SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good morning all,

As the title suggests I encouraged my WW to join so she could have some support from other waywards. I wanted her to know she is not alone in the journey and feel like it could help her on her path. She has posted and I want to read it but I feel like that may be breaking some form of privacy.

How do others feel about both WW and BH using these forums together? And should I read and respond to some of her posts? It feels dirty like reading a journal, though she told me that some things she read in response were rough. Not sure if I just leave her to her journey and fight the urge to look or not.

BS here.

I personally find SI to be my safe spot. After 42 yrs of being lied to, I would have a hard time not believing that I was being managed again.

Gemmy

The one to ask is your wife.
You should agree on ballpark rules for SI. For example: you can read her threads on WW that don’t have Stop Marks, you can read her responses in any forum and so on. While she can’t read your posts in JFO or General but is allowed to here in the R forum.

Thank you bigger. That's really helpful and I am a little embarrassed I didn't just do this preemptively

I read your WW's post and recognized the story immediately. Generally speaking, I do not recommend sharing SI. Sometimes it works out well enough. Sometimes it's an absolute train wreck.

Let's be honest here. You can both do your best to respect each other's boundaries about reading each other's posts. But! There's a good chance that at some point the temptation to violate those boundaries will be too tempting to resist. I'd suggest that you both recognize this simple truth and agree to be perfectly open and honest about it all. If you're going to share SI, then share it, completely.

As for replying on each other's threads, I think you might both agree that having personal conversations about any issues that arise would be far more productive. There's an inherent danger that one or both of you will be tempted to "set the record straight" whenever an issue arises, causing more harm. I've seen this happen enough to understand the pitfalls of sharing SI.

There's another pernicious element to sharing the site. There might easily be times when one or both of you will use replies by members to "win" an argument. I might write something to you or to her and then later you argue about what Unhinged wrote (or anyone else). Depending upon the issue, where each of you are in this journey, how either of you might be feeling on any given day, can have either a beneficial or detrimental affect on your efforts to reconcile.

IOW, as I said above, if you're going to share SI, then share it as a couple. Be clear that you want us to treat you two as a couple rather than individual members and remain a team throughout all of your interactions here.