SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Pete, that's huge. I'll bet you felt a huge wave of relief that she did that.

My wife did the same, and like I said, I haven't even looked in a long time. I don't want to be a marriage warden either, but it sure was a great way for her to show transparency and made me feel a lot safer.

Your post just brightened up my morning a little bit. I can imagine what that did for you.

It certainly was.

And I'm doing my best not to think that she's taken anything "underground" as was suggested earlier this thread. I hope she hasn't dug in on keeping the affair going.

But time will tell and we'll see what happens moving forward.

For now I'm going to try and heal a bit, keep doing therapy and hope she keeps going too. I know she's not terribly fond of her current therapist, and I've mentioned that she can find another caregiver whenever, but I'm glad she's trying.

Just posting here because my wife’s at work now. She did tell me it’s a busy night since they had the World Cup on and that’s a good thing for making money of course. She told him not to come into the brewery, but I’m struggling a bit with the "mini mind movies" here, just seeing him in there and her not telling me…

How do you all deal with those feelings/moments like this? How do you quiet your mind?

Relatable. The mind movies are/were a major source of pain early on.

I can't say it will help you, but i had to accept that there is NOTHING about infidelity that was my (as a BP) fault. In my case, her actions are/were her actions and her choice. Once i actually got that, they became easier to handle. If she chooses to continue with behavior that i can't accept, then i need to take steps to get me out of that situation.

I figured out what i can and cant live with, communicated this and observed behavior over a period of time.

And they are "only" in your mind (mindmovies), reality might be that she is behaving as a model WS.

Dont make permanent decision on mindmovies or temporary issues.

English isn't my first language, apologies if i sound like i am making excuses for your partner or sound/read like i am downplaying the matter at hand.
I'm happy to try and elaborate if need be.

I'm very happy to hear that your wife is offering concessions to make you feel safer.
That is a good sign.

Continue to watch her actions and to trust your gut.

I just had to accept that if she was going to cheat, she was going to cheat.

It was a little more difficult for me because they were co workers. Opposite shifts, and different departments, but I KNEW they were going to see each other.

I just had to partly take her word for it and pay attention to her actions. She came up with an action plan that involved a different exit/entrance that avoided his area, and the fact that she was leaving when he was coming in helped. They weren't around each other all day. He eventually ended up getting fired and trespassed, so that was a nice little event.

Your wife is being proactive right now and thats a good sign. As far as the Mind movies and intrusive thoughts go, I don't have much for you there. I just had to endure it. That will eventually, slowly get better over time.

Pete why can’t you go to the brewery when she’s working? Probably be a fun place to watch the World Cup.

Maybe show up unannounced to see if he’s there…

Hi petecarparts, sorry to jump all the way back to the start of this post but I'm getting these feelings in my own process at the moment:

Do I actually just pity my wife/partner for how she's acted and how she feels?

And the worry that I'm being too lenient.

Reading your experience and reactions as the situation has developed so far, I think you've done amazingly well both staying grounded as you wanted to, while also holding your W accountable. I think you should be so proud of yourself. Giving yourself space, taking time to learn and talk with others. It's so painful, but it sounds like you're doing everything right by yourself so far. Power to you!